I am the last person to believe in traditional scientific labels or disorders.
Because I beat of all my mine.
They are classed as “disorders” and that means exactly that. They are not diseases. They are not permanent
They are literally misalignments of the natural order of the mind that manifests in real brain changes.
That is why bipolars need medicine. Once the brain has re-ordered itself, lots of help will be necessary to realign it.
But in my personal experience, the brain CAN be re-aligned. Lengthy research about the topic has been done under the name of “neuroplasticity.”
Take more risks, and your testosterone levels will increase, for example.
Ultimately, however, this can ONLY be done by the individual.
No attempt at intervention can ever help someone with a mental disorder. I know from personal experience with MYSELF, and from women with disorders I’ve been in relationships with.
Don’t save her
She don’t wanna be saved.
It’s true. You can’t fix them.
BUT, if the onus is on you to TRY, and at least help them along–OR if you are sleeping with a BPD, and you want to identify her or learn how to deal with her, then read on.
Early red flags
Broken women have red flags.
They show them early and they are OBVIOUS.
It’s just that you as a man fully intend to stay with her until things get REALLY BAD, half-seriously entertaining that this chick could turn out to be a real psycho, but probably won’t.
Let me tell you: you are usually right.
If the chick is probably a psycho, the chick is probably a psycho.
Trust those early red flags:
She screams at her mother on the phone, about all the hurt and embarassment she causes her, and how she’s abusing her, and when you see the girl’s phone she’s sent multiple unanswered lengthy texts to her mother, who allegedly is her abuser?
Trust me, it’s only a matter of time before she turns that behavior on you.
Or did you think you were special?
BPDs have the ability to make you feel so special….until they turn on you.
Trust me, she will.
She has a boundary problem. She doesn’t have the ability to regulate her emotions or thoughts. She has no filter. She has no real control or discipline.
All of the smart guys on the web recommend treating her with aloof amusement, and this is the ONLY way to deal with her after a while because you will practically be FORCED to once you understand that she is a psycho without much of an identity of her own.
You cannot speak to a rock, and you cannot argue with a BPD woman.
You cannot reason or explain sense into her, or at least you’ll only be able to before she “turns” again and goes back to hating you and trying to throw you out or calling the police or whatever possible avenue she can use to make things worse.
BPD women are at the mercy of the worst kind of human manipulation: they have no boundaries, meaning that anything is fair game.
She can and will, EVENTUALLY, use every weapon at her disposal, whether that is threats, insults, commands, fucking with your property, eating your food, blaming you for her problems (even when she tells you it’s not your fault just yesterday) , crying during sex, ignoring you, blowing up your phone, going on impulsive trips, or telling you that your dick is small and that she never enjoyed your sex.
Yet she sticks around.
One moment, you’re a “wonderful man” to her. Then the next you’re a “cockroach” and an “asshole.”
It’s not worth following. It’s raw emotion, and you’re better off not believing a word of it.
BPDs are not the type to self-harm. That’s bipolars (which I have ample experience dealing with). They are also not the type to have manic swings or get really horny. In fact, BPDs suffer from high stress and anger and depression.
High stress hampers your ability to think and/or function. When you are so stressed that you make U-turns in your mind and can’t effectively get anything done.
BPDs are already suffering from this kind of inability to function, so with added stress and drama they lose their minds.
Although it may not seem like it at first, this is the kind of psycho woman who will call the police on you. If you’re a bitch, you’re screwed.
But deep down, what you need to remember above ALL is that nothing she says or does is real, as it is with most women.
She is just a scared and abused child, and had poor caretakers long ago.
You can’t take any of her dumb threats or behaviors seriously.
But, by that same token, neither you can you trust her promises.
You cannot trust her to do as she says or come through for you. Instead, you must expect she will constantly lash out at you, the man she loves, and this is why it’s important to watch out for early warning signs and make a decision.
This BPD woman will make an excellent trial ground for how much of a man you think you are.
I was lucky in that I got involved with one when I was already strong, but I can see how a lesser man would get chewed up and swallowed or spitted out and maybe end up in jail.
You see, this is the psycho who will hit you and call the cops. This is the nightmare you’ve heard about, or read about.
You just won’t even know it at first.
But for a man like myself, her bullshit does not faze me. I see through her empty threats and I do not ever give in.
This alpha stoicism is worthy to aspire to in general, for yourself and with all women, but doubly so it is important for dealing with BPD women.
Remember, this is the very psycho men talk about that will try to get you thrown in jail, unless you are strong and take steps to prevent it.
Remember that I speak in the context of long-term relationships, not one-night stands.
If you are dealing with a BPD for one night, you probably won’t know it and all you can do is ensure you keep her texts as evidence that you had sex with her willingly.
First and foremost, as soon as you see she is a psycho, stop taking her so seriously.
She will lie, project, and go to all lengths to avoid responsibility. She is mentally ill.
As soon as she crosses the line into crazy territory, begin recording any heated interactions with your cell phone. Never tell her this and keep it on you at all times. Put passwords on all your devices.
Next, if you MUST live with her, have her sign a lengthy legal document that gives you all the power to move out and for her not to fuck with her property and establish that you are paying rent, so that she can NEVER kick you out or throw your stuff out on the curb.
Third, COMPLETELY ignore her when she threatens to call the cops. Act entirely unaffected, since you know it is just a ruse.
The ONLY way she will actually do this is if you show fear and think that this is not a ruse.
Prepare for physical violence. ESPECIALLY if she catches you cheating or you really piss her off somehow.
Whatever you do, don’t hit her and be a strong man. If she actually abuses you, she’s a stupid cunt and you can go ahead and call the police (don’t tell her you are doing it, just DO IT) and then when they show off you can show them your black eye and get her carted off to jail.
She actually CRAVES to be hit by you, to be abused like she was when she was younger (perhaps by her father) but don’t give in to her blatant provocations unless you are sure the moment is right and you can dominate her.
If you hit her and cannot dominate her, she will hit you back or call the cops and continue to be angry with you. You must never hit a woman unless you have the upper hand psychologically and emotionally.
Remember what she wants from you
Remember that deep down she needs you to make up for the void in her life caused by all of her previous failed relationships and abusers. Decide whether you want to get involved in her emotional prison. It can be good at times, awful at others.
At the end of the day, either you will leave the BPD or she will leave you. I have had both experiences, but “luckily” for me she always came back.
Unfortunately, as much as you may love your borderline girl, who is probably hot, and who acts like a sweet little 5-year-old, she is a parasite.
She is a vampire. And you’ve got to let the right one in.
She will destroy you or at least hinder you in the end, no matter how long you can survive. You cannot build a relationship with a girl who cannot take care of herself. It does not make you a man to spend more money on her, or fix her problems.
Get rid of your pity, and realize this is not real love.
Real love can only come from true empathy and intimacy, something she lacks. And something you are likely craving if you’ve spent too much time sucked in by a borderline. You don’t even realize it’s missing.
Don’t get me wrong–borderlines can be tamed–but will you ever truly love a broken victim?
Perhaps, like me, you’ll have to learn the hard way.
P.S. If you want a book on how to get rid of a borderline from your life written by a really excellent expert on the subject, Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, then check out
Also, for lots of free and useful info, check out her blog Shrink 4 Men.