Love can be a whirlwind fire that will tear you asunder and bring out your best and worst qualities.
It is foolishness of the utmost extreme to presume that denying love in favor of playing games or continually being “aloof” or dishonest about your nature will somehow bring you satisfaction in your relationships with women.
As a whole we have been taught as men to betray our emotions and that is wrong.
There is no joy, let alone strength in being an anhedonic robot.
Embracing your true nature is the only way to be self-satisfied and grow and also to attract others in the way that only you can with your own true and authentic self.
Falling in love and embracing pursuit of women will bring out everything that you are. You will learn your weaknesses and strengths, and you will forced to confront your hangups and struggle with honesty about what you are and what you want.
It will also dredge up everything that you AREN’T. It takes strength to recognize these barriers, push through the pain of confronting them, and then going through the process to overcome them.
What you may find in pursuing women is that you are not following your own nature, thus attracting the wrong type of women or else denying you what you want or even NEED because you cannot be honest about it.
Are you REALLY looking for sex? Are you looking for love? Are you looking for a companion? Are there a variety of needs you want met, which aren’t being satisfied because you are trying to lock them down with women that don’t want to provide those needs?
You must be honest about what you want and about your reality.
There was one a pretty German girl I met in LA who fell in love with me. It started out slow and calm but very high-energy.
Though I spoke quietly to her and her to me, when we met there was a fire.
I saw her, wearing sunglasses, walking along the street with headphones in and a bag of health food berries (probably Acai, the new rage these days).
I approached her mainly because she was sporting a bare chest underneath her sports bra, but also because something in me wanted to smash her protective barrier. The dual message, of both her outfit and the sunglasses was enough to engage my hunter.
When I approached her she stopped before me and I could barely contain myself. I kept smiling and smirking and wanting to laugh, the energy was intense for me.
Now we are told not to smile or to remain poker-faced in front of women, but I just did what came naturally. I was feeling happy to talk to her, I WANTED to talk to her, and there was nothing wrong with it. At no point did I pretend to be disinterested or feeling less than I was.
We flirted for a little bit and I wasn’t entirely sure she was even into me. But then she made the slightest, feminine gesture of preferring her bag of berries for me. And naturally, I accepted (the Ben Franklin effect is something I am well aware of exploiting).
It was smooth sailing after that, just a natural seduction with us talking and I let out my heart. I was honest, I did not shy away from intense topics like sexual energy, and the woman responded in kind.
It wasn’t long before she was wanting to literally jump me. But because I was denying my sexuality at that time, I did not act on my desires.
Eventually she came around to touching ME but it wasn’t until a second date that the moment came for us to kiss and I didn’t. She asked me, “Don’t you want to kiss me?” and I said no.
She felt rejected but it did not end.
It would end with an even bigger blunder.
She went to slap my ass unexpectedly, perhaps as a last-ditch effort to engage my sexuality after we’d been driving around to find a place to fuck without actually explicitly acknowledging it, and I was unable to honestly tell her to just stop at a hotel, and I would pay for it. We had not openly discussed fucking but it was obvious what we both wanted.
When she slapped my ass, I went quiet. It felt awkward. I wanted to get to know her, not just fuck her so soon, I thought.
And this blunder led to her walking away.
But as she was walking away, the artificial thing to do would have been to let her go, and assume she would come back. But in that moment, I knew that she would not be coming back. I felt it.
So I decided to chase her.
I ran 2 blocks to catch back up to her, something no man taking internet advice would ever do, and she exclaimed in delightful surprise, “Are you coming?” or something to that effect.
At the time I did not realize it, but she thought perhaps I was finally expressing my sexual aggression instead of being “aloof and indifferent,” or denying my sexuality because I thought it was necessary to find a woman to love and not just fuck.
I never saw that woman again, and I sent her a string of texts explaining why I did what I did and that it wasn’t really me. she never responded.
But the key to this incident for me was that rather than holding back, I needed to do the exact opposite. And she APPRECIATED that. That’s what she wanted.
When I chased her as she walked away she felt desired, and she was surprised because it betrayed the contradictory weakness I had displayed before. In that moment I could have gotten what I wanted, but instead I told her that I felt like I had done something wrong, and she told me that it “wasn’t me.”
Later I would discover on Facebook that she as already in a relationship. Of course.
My lack of sexual aggression and being true to my nature had turned her away and back into the arms of her comfortable lover, who she was clearly intent on leaving for me had I not betrayed myself.
This incident was a key turning point in my relationships with women. No longer would I deny my sexuality, and no longer would I simply try to get women in bed.
You must be honest, both with yourself AND your sexuality to become a true master with women.
You do not have to hide from sex. You do not have to pretend like it doesn’t exist, like a boo-hoo taboo. You can evenly openly speak about it with women that you have just met, if you are being genuine.
I do not mean, “Will you fuck me?” as that is crass and inauthentic anyway. Although I will be honest, this can work too if you really mean it and it makes sense.
Perhaps the greatest blunder men make in seduction is disallowing themself of their natural instincts. They think they must perform or be dishonest in some way to make women love them, when in reality what they need to do is EMBRACE those qualities that they ignored and betrayed for some weakness, such as social ineptness or anxiety.
Your real problem is that you are holding back.
Instead of trying to engineer yourself into some badboy or line-spitting idiot, you would do better to become your natural self and turn off the women who don’t like it. You can make a great joke and have fun with yourself and then woman will hate you, and not “get it.” And that’s ok.
Would you really want a woman like that anyway?
Key to being good with women is being honest, even ruthlessly so, and you can do that partly by embracing your nature. If you are in love, so be it. Do not hide that. Embrace it!
Don’t pretend you don’t care about the woman, or play games. IF you want gameplaying women then I guess it’s ok, but that’s hardly the kind of fulfillment I would seek. That does not engender real passion and flaming romances the like of which you probably don’t believe in or only see in bad Hollywood movies.
You’d be surprised at what you can “get away with” when you are really honest with yourself and take the risks. After a while those risks will no longer be risks, persay, because you’d rather be yourself than lie even if it means turning someone away. You will be comfortable with rejection, whether you are walking or the woman is rejecting you.
You must embrace your nature to get what you want, and for some of us that may mean chasing when we are told not to chase, loving when we are told not to love, being angry when we are told not to get angry, and holding on when we are told to let go.
Overall if you wish to be successful with yourself, either in life or romance, then you must be honest with yourself and “come into your own,” even if that means turning off many around you.
There is much more to life than gratuitous sex or making money or racking up a notch count.
But you will never believe that unless are you honest with yourself.