Falling in love with the vampire

You’ve got to let the right one in.

But what happens when you find, looking back, that the only one for you was the wrong one?

So eternally intimately distant, unable to be what you want.

Because the vamp is a predator, and after it drinks your blood the only thing it can give you is the ability to make you exactly like itself.

You will toil at redemption.

You will lead it along, slowly, onto another path.

But at heart the beast is still a beast. Because it has been that way its whole life, with nothing to guide it but fear.

It came into the world knowing only fear, and then it was attacked and left for dead.

When it awoke again, it knew only its hunger. No mentor or parent was there to show it the way. So it went off the only model it knew.

borderline personality vampire photo

Each time you let it in the window–or, god forbid, return to its dark embrace–there is a deception.

While you think you are reviving its soul, the vampire is in fact slowly taking more and more blood each time. Because that is its way. It doesn’t even know what it has done until one day it is too late.

And you let that vampire in because, as strong as you are, you identified with its fear.

But the longer you served, the more you craved. To handle the vampire was a worthy task, ypu thought. Somehow, you reached a point where you became so numb to the vampire’s debased and vile machinations, its unintended sadism, that you began to crave the rare moments of awakened understanding.

And the longer you waited for change, the more the hungry vampire eagerly revealed its ugly self to you. It was overjoyed to show you its nature and terrified you would leave when you saw it.

When you stuck around, hoping to save it, you didn’t realize that one day the vampire would turn on you, too. Because that is its nature.

With a delighted grin, it was waiting to absorb and consume you as an extension of itself.

To bask in its wonder! Just one moment of its unholy sensuality. A true gift.

And in return? Your blood.

But it wasn’t ready. One day, it took too much, and you’re dead on the floor.

It cocks its head, wondering why you won’t eat.

Wondering why you are just laying there, dead.

Not understanding, it pokes and prods at you, unable to comprehend what has happened.

It thought it was going to suck on your blood forever, all the while learning what you wanted to teach it.

But it made a mistake.

It kept you alive all this time only to extend its own pleasure. It only knew how to take care of you as much as was necessary for it to keep feeding.

You’re dead on the floor. The vampire is a parasite, not a symbiote. It had nothing to give but death.

And perhaps you will awake again, an empty soul. You will have been attacked and abused and know nothing but fear.

You will know nothing but hunger. And then you will follow the only model you know….

Awakening the beast

Like a dark mantle over a calm ocean, a storm of sensation radiates over your inner being as it heightens in sexual anticipation.

The burning electricity in your body sends you into an uncontrollable and unearthly emotional fit.

Unlike weakness, this storm of emotion is attractive and powerful, but there is always a teetering balancing act before bringing on to the brink of madness.

Short of murder or destruction, no outlet is sufficient. The Burning will continue, and it will become unstoppable as the potency corrupts and reconditions the mind to anger and pain as the necessary core foundation. And continuing into fury, this unrest will cause deep uninhibited creative genius.

Such is the unfortunate boon of the Dark Gift, that we make not the release but the pain our pleasure, and so it becomes a self-gratifying addictive cycle that has been liked to thus:


But only a Man can play with fire, in spirit and form, and thus it is the Man who built civilization and rested upon its laurels his women, which God ordained as the dignified Helper but also the Deceiver.

For the woman steals the Apple from the Man and thus cuts off his hair, which is the source of his power.

A highly stimulated aggravation creates then Purpose out of this tumultuous tempest of testitude.

For the ever-present impending culmination of a never-ending search provides the necessary lust and fuel for the “journey,” which is of the Man’s choosing but he must stick with it.

As we all know, the dark energy feeds on itself, and seeks out more of itself.

Thus is why we are never satisfied, for those who partake or pretend to indulge in the fire of kundalini will suffer its snare and become addicted to the very source of addictions itself, providing a horrific pleasure-pain synapse that is never-ending, but upsetting to live without.

Those who choose to play with the fire and then put it out will get burned. It is only through walking through the flames of redemption that one is safe from the fire’s harm.

All secrets of the ancient esoteric occultists can be discerned through a careful cultivation of the fire, and anything less is half-assed study in the name of the god of procrastination, a petty fantasy that pales in comparison to the waves of rage to come.

It is not every man that can endure such a tempest, but for that it is called the Dark Gift.

For while some men are plagued and ended by their attempts to put the fire out, others are rewarded for their seeming-insane attempts to love its warm embrace and ride the extremes that are inherent to such pinnacles.

This is the Knowledge of Good and Evil, the nature of mortality, for those who celebrate life must do so by purging with Death, and yet those who find it is their desire not to die must endure the pain and longing of the gift for as long as they can stand it, and indeed some may find it impossible to return from whence they came.

But failure, caused by the proximity of success and the succeeding inability to continue the charade may lose themselves in the Abyss and commit murder, either of others or of the self as represented by madness.

Such is the lot of the crazed killers and mad geniuses, unable to cope with a forward movement for they lack foundation.

In the fire, life therefore causes death and only death leads to life.

For discipline is the delay of self-gratification and the forcitude of doing something unpleasant without regard to petty mortal desires.

It is such, then, that we can surmise the true meaning behind Jesus’ statement in the Bible:

“For the last shall be first and the first shall be last.”

Not as a condemnation of selfishness, but rather a condemnation of the animal within each and every human being.

There is a separate being inside every Man, a Beast that must be harnessed or given to the wilds in slaughter.

Such is the plight of the human species, for mere cattle in the fields surely do not struggle with such wrought temptation between two conflicting selves.

And yet this is why the Gift is Dark, for itself is what separates a Man from an animal, and thus is why humans are more sex-obsessed than their counterparts and similarly why the world has been made in its image.

Yet those who do not see will continue on in blithe invalidism, a lack of identity and purpose never haunting them because the haunting only tortures those who are the strongest.

And therefore it is in a man’s interest to proclude his quest by first deciding upon his reason for being.

For it is only this demanding Reason that can spur a man through his greatest hell.

And every Man must decide this for his own sake, in his own image.



– James Mast


What you can’t take away

You can ban me
Beat me
Berate me
Hate me


You can laugh at me
You can test me
You can ignore me
You can report me


You can take away my money.
You can take away my home.
You can take away my job and all the things that I own.
You can take away your body.
You can take away your time.
You can show me no respect and not leave me a dime.


You can shit on all of my achievements,

You can tell me to just give up and quit,



You can even tell me I’M NOT WORTHY….






You can’t take away my balls.

The Rebel Within

The Rebel is an idea.

The Rebel is what’s emerging beneath the surface. It’s a being, a character you create to replace the old you, the one mired by layers of conditioning and untruth by the world and its media and technology and its ignorant people.

You slowly rebel against the world until you begin to uncover the REAL YOU beneath it all.

It’s the heart of what I made this site about.


Beneath it all…beneath all beliefs and systems of thinking that you subscribe to.

You read things on the net and they make sense. They seem to be true. But do not actually know and they provide comfort where you have none.

When you follow a system to think for you, then you have rules and righteous purpose. You have concepts and ideals, such as “saving the world” or changing it to your own vision of utopia, or being too honest, when honesty is not always a virtue. You become consumed with ego or “respect.”


These things are all only illusions, designed to distract you from trusting your own intuition and true self.


Beneath all the awkward, casual social interactions. Beneath the light, airy, surface world that everyone pretends is real.

Beneath it is the underworld.

It is a red river, a current of distaste.

You are not satisfied with the status quo. You are uncomfortable with your place in it. You want to push the limits.


But to be an effective rebel, you must have a REASON. It can’t just be for guts and glory.

Those things will never build your soul.

You’ve got to have a selfish reason to push yourself through the barriers of the System. Your goals, the things you really desire, those are enough at first. You take ahold of them and then you FIGHT.


But fighting wears you down after a while, and you run the risk of turning into the enemy.

Deep down, despite all you’ve been told, despite the hard knocks you’ve taken, you are something special.

There’s a power in the background, awaiting your total surrender. It calls to you. It tugs at you like a nightmare every damn day and every time you fail to do what you want to do. What you set out to do.

This thing is NOT the thing that you fight.

This thing is the Rebel.

The Rebel is your emerging soul.


Beneath it all, beneath this human shell, you have a heart of rebellion.

You rebel in order to find your soul, the origin of yourself. And then you hold onto that power and don’t let anybody take it from you. And you don’t let imposters like your old self take it either.

You are a rebel to the core.

Why you are a slave

Without money, you are a slave.

You are a slave to your bosses, the big gorillas whose opinions you care more about and who you can’t be seen undermining. You have to go in on time, wear what they want, and not speak your mind.

You are a slave to your landlord, who calls the rules and shots and can evict you whenever they want. You can’t make too much noise or have too many people over.

You are a slave to your girlfriend, who only has sex with you when she feels like it, which may not be often. You cannot hit on all the pretty girls you see when you and her are out together, wasting time and achieving nothing.

You are a slave to the gym trainers, who will get mad at you for hitting on too many girls in the gym.

You’re a slave to the clothes you wear. You can’t buy the new ones you want because you can’t afford it.

You’re a slave to the food you eat. You can’t afford the organic meats and vegetables that you need, so you are forced to buy all the toxic food that America has for sale.

You’re a slave to lawsuits and police. You can’t afford to break the law, even on accident, because it would ruin you.

But the good news is that money solves all of these problems.

With money, you don’t need a boss. You can tell him where to shove it and go to work any damn time you fucking please.

With money, you can live wherever you want and set the rules. If you’re evicted it doesn’t matter. There’s a million places to live out there.

With money, you can have as many girls as you want. Sky’s the limit because you have the time and freedom to find them, and your confidence and money will attract women.

With money, you can buy the best foods and the best clothes. In turn you can use your newfound energy and status to produce even more money, and live like a king.

You can pay off whoever you want and whatever you want and you have unlimited options. The world is at your disposal.

But to get there, you must climb the uphill battle. You must start with nothing and build up from there.

It is a simple and easy process, but only if you treat it that way. You must endure above all. You must simply persist and not give up. Not succumb to video games, or TV, or porn, or just become complacent at your job.

You must always push the boundaries every single day, until you no longer care what people think of you.

Then you will become successful.

Once again, the hardest thing you are doing right now is holding back.

The Apple

The Hammer and the Brush

Do not mistake the hammer for power. The hammer is authority, and stamps out the weak who passively follow. It is only a matter of time before the hammer is broken, it’s head chopped off the wooden base.

The hammer knows no subtlety. It will swing until it breaks its target.

The brush is true power, the ability to ensure life bends to the artist, who knows just the right strokes and does not press too harshly nor too gently.

His power comes from his intuition, the heart of creativity.


Eve’s Deception

And so it would be from then on that the woman would deceive the man, for she took the forbidden fruit and made Adam eat it. She was deceived by her own naive nature but her animal instincts betrayed her cunning.

Man is inspired by woman, the designated helper. But she can cut the legs off a man as God cut the legs off of the Snake.


The truth about Samson and Delilah

Delilah cut Samson’s hair, sapping his great strength.

She seduced him on three levels.

Delilah made Samson give up his semen, and thus his strength and vitality was drained.

His hair, another source of mystical energy, was cut.

And for her deception Samson lost his legs.


The Seed of Man

The truth is that women desire to steal the seed of men for their own impregnation. Women all desire to be impregnated by a strong man and are constantly testing his strength to prove that his seed is worthy.

But semen is also a source of great power. Consider why women beg for cum and want an orgasm within them, not without.

Also consider that any recipient or instigator of climax reports a great happiness or joviality afterward.

Stop and think about the very simple energetic equation of why this is so.


The Apple’s Forbidden Knowledge

The Forbidden Knowledge that Adam lost when he partook of the Apple is the same Super Strength that Sampson lost when he was tricked by Delilah.

Assuming you are 100% man, and sperm is 50% of a new being, what might occur should you choose to keep it?