What makes a leader?

A leader is made of two things:

1) The ability to lead himself

2) Vision

If, by nature of a person’s strong vision guiding him, others begin to follow, this is the cause of a leader but an effect.

He leads himself first, and then others, by their weakness or cognizance of his authority, must follow.

A leader, then, is self-generated.

This also means the leader is able to stand alone.

How shallowness breeds ugliness

shallowness breeds ugliness pic

On the streets of Las Vegas, a cunning nobody was shouting out for people to watch his magic show.

“The best magic show in all of Vegas!” he repeatedly said, while giving me a knowing smile. That smile communicated it all: the irony, the pain.

He wanted two people to start the show, but they all walked by, oblivious. Or without courage.

Knowing myself, I stepped right up and began the show. We chatted a bit and I felt I knew him on a level deeper than the many tourists blithing by.

The show was good. I didn’t know how he did the tricks, and I was impressed if only because he had taken the time to perfect his act.

Suddenly more and more people congregated. Some left, but others came.

I was the catalyst for his show. And I left when someone handed him the first tip.

But what struck me was not my part in this. What hit home for me was when I was standing there, laughing and smiling, and I turned to the girl next to me.

She looked bored, weary even, though it was obvious she was being taken care of by a man. I laughed at her, and she made no effort back whatsoever. She walked away as if it was the most boring thing in the world.

And I’m sure she carried that boredom with her.


Another man, another night. Another street.

My girlfriend is walking with me. I stop to admire the amazing plant-woven crosses a man is peddling. I have no intention of buying one, but it’s something to admire nonetheless.

My girl just keeps walking, making an active effort not to look in my direction.

I call out to her, and she feigns looking over. I walk up and say to her, “Hey, those crosses are cool. Check ’em out.”

She does not. She says, “I just didn’t want to talk to him.”

“Why not?” I asked, and she couldn’t give me an answer. She wanted me to come into the bar with her, right next to where we were standing.

I wished her good luck and walked away.

You see, I was appalled at her weak behavior.

Like the other woman, who only had dissatisfaction and contempt, an attitude of shallowness drains your soul and only breeds further dissatisfaction and ugliness.

I will make fun of a homeless person for pushing their shopping cart and declaring their failure to the world, but at the same time I recognize that they are still a person.

You cannot be pressured by others or buy into the pathetic shallowness that this culture attempts to breed.

They have tried to take the beauty, the sensuality, the sexuality out of everything. The love.

I am glad that the woman walked away from the cute little magic show. It wasn’t for her.

She can continue to “enjoy” being a parasite and having other people pay her way.

I will work for what I have, and continue to admire the work of others’, even if I don’t envy their station.

What about you? Are you are a parasite?

Or are you generating your own abundance?

The Rebel Within

The Rebel is an idea.

The Rebel is what’s emerging beneath the surface. It’s a being, a character you create to replace the old you, the one mired by layers of conditioning and untruth by the world and its media and technology and its ignorant people.

You slowly rebel against the world until you begin to uncover the REAL YOU beneath it all.

It’s the heart of what I made this site about.


Beneath it all…beneath all beliefs and systems of thinking that you subscribe to.

You read things on the net and they make sense. They seem to be true. But do not actually know and they provide comfort where you have none.

When you follow a system to think for you, then you have rules and righteous purpose. You have concepts and ideals, such as “saving the world” or changing it to your own vision of utopia, or being too honest, when honesty is not always a virtue. You become consumed with ego or “respect.”


These things are all only illusions, designed to distract you from trusting your own intuition and true self.


Beneath all the awkward, casual social interactions. Beneath the light, airy, surface world that everyone pretends is real.

Beneath it is the underworld.

It is a red river, a current of distaste.

You are not satisfied with the status quo. You are uncomfortable with your place in it. You want to push the limits.


But to be an effective rebel, you must have a REASON. It can’t just be for guts and glory.

Those things will never build your soul.

You’ve got to have a selfish reason to push yourself through the barriers of the System. Your goals, the things you really desire, those are enough at first. You take ahold of them and then you FIGHT.


But fighting wears you down after a while, and you run the risk of turning into the enemy.

Deep down, despite all you’ve been told, despite the hard knocks you’ve taken, you are something special.

There’s a power in the background, awaiting your total surrender. It calls to you. It tugs at you like a nightmare every damn day and every time you fail to do what you want to do. What you set out to do.

This thing is NOT the thing that you fight.

This thing is the Rebel.

The Rebel is your emerging soul.


Beneath it all, beneath this human shell, you have a heart of rebellion.

You rebel in order to find your soul, the origin of yourself. And then you hold onto that power and don’t let anybody take it from you. And you don’t let imposters like your old self take it either.

You are a rebel to the core.


Little baby steps.

They frustrate you. Lost opportunity leaves you with an empty hunger. It’s not enough to eat or even have sex. The failure eats at you, a mounting rage that you can either quell or feed.

The gnawing emptiness is the void in your heart. It’s what those Christians tell you only God can fill. It’s the ache that all those bliss ninnies say cannot come from material desires, or the “world.”

Of course they’re not wrong, but they’re not right.

The frustration is from your own potential, your own LACK of freedom.

Every little thing you do wrong builds up into a rising desperation.

How many days did you waste?

How many hours did you sleep longer, how many hours did you work at your job just to pay rent so that you can continue to go nowhere?

Did you work all day only to blow it with the one girl you could have talked to?

You forgot to ask her for her number, and it haunts you all night.

You don’t know what to do about it. You just want to BREAK OUT.

You want to DO SOMETHING but you don’t know what to do!

You are restless at night, wishing there was a way to break out of the madness, wishing that you could do something right this very moment to correct yourself and move mountains and change the course of your life.

You might be desperate and lonely. Your girlfriend could walk out of your life tomorrow and it would throw you into chaos because you are trapped in a cage.

You’re holding back and you know it.

But you don’t know how to overcome all the rationalizations and excuses in your head.

You’re worried about damaging relationships, or your reputation with those around you.

Your insufferable excuses lead you to avoid practice, and when opportunity hits you are unable to take full advantage of it.

You know that something needs to GIVE, but WHAT?

When will you break free?

When will you finally stop giving a fuck about the world around you?

When will you finally LET YOURSELF fulfill your potential?

When will you EMBRACE FAILURE and learn to LOVE MISTAKES?

Will it “happen” tomorrow?

Or years from now?

Can you imagine what it would be like to go another day with the gag on your mouth, building all this discipline and seemingly changing, but in all actuality just wasting away and not really changing at all?



When are you finally going to break rules, get yourself in trouble, and more importantly go after what you really need to pursue, whether heaven or hell is due and whether you ultimately fail miserably or not?

Will it be today? Tomorrow?

A week from now? A month from now?



It’s the hardest and easiest thing in the world to let go.

It will madden you and frighten you but it will also haunt your spirit every day, every night, calling to you and pressing down on you like a boulder on your shoulder until you finally wake up from your mortal comfort and embrace the insanity, no matter how scared you are.

Because this is your Higher Calling, it is your Drive, it is your ambition and your spirit and nothing else can possibly matter.

It is really YOU and it will finally give you an edge over all those fools, over all those failures, over all the people who ever told you “NO.”

But most importantly, it will finally give you freedom from yourself.

It’s the prison in your mind. The barrier you call home.

It is Hell and you want to get out of it.

But when?


Start failing to become great

“We learn more from our failures than from our successes.”

The one thing that will make you great, that will put you further ahead than anyone you know who is trying or struggling, is the ability to fail on purpose.

You want to STRIVE to fail.

You spend so much fucking time trying not to fail. It’s your greatest fear, and it’s why you don’t go all in.

It’s holding you back so much that there is only one viable solution:

You want to fail your ass off, and enjoy it.

Before I got any good with women, I went through 7 years of on-off talking to women. For months at a time I would spend 6-7 hours a day talking to girls and in the offtime I would be playing piano to vent my sexual rage or eating food.

Then it would be back out there, anywhere, wherever I could find to hit on girls.

This led to cyclical depression. As I failed to get laid, I would jack off to porn and hit depression and be bedridden.

But over the course of the years, I learned to get better at handling defeat. So much so that I never got out the porn. I didn’t stay in bed for days.

Even after the cops kicked me out of the gym just for talking to some girls (incidentally I picked up the hottest girl I’ve ever been with at that gym), I used that failure to propel me.

Instead of being afraid of getting kicked out of places or afraid of rejection, I came to embrace it because my fear had gone away.

The only real fear is fear itself, and that becomes intimately true once you experience the fear.


That’s the best way to stop being afraid.

Get yourself in trouble, and instead of always avoiding the worst, just go out and experience it so that you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

You’re holding back because of that Fear, and once you finally get through it you will realize that there is not much left to lose, or that getting into trouble really isn’t so bad.

Failure–not success–is the pathway to ultimate success.

Obviously you will have to succeed at some point.

But if you fear people ratting you out, for instance, then a great thing to do would be to tell a bunch of people bluntly whatever it is you’re scared of people finding out.

I did that once and got myself banned from a mall, but it was worth it. Now, looking back, I should have had no fear or shame of what I was doing in that mall, but because I wanted people to challenge me, they did.

If you’re afraid of people looking and staring, then you’d best spend some of your time making people look and stare and learn to enjoy it.

Nowadays I find myself doing things and then only AFTER the fact realizing a bunch of people are watching me, and that just makes it even better.

If you’re afraid of cops, the only real remedy is to get yourself detained a bunch of times. Talk to cops. Let them be rude to you and ask you “why do you have an attitude?”

Then, of course, lock your doors and never talk to police again.

But my point is that if fears are holding you back, either experience them or accept the consequences of failure.

There are lists out there of famous people in business or otherwise who failed, such as by going bankrupt.

In this article by RedState some idiot author talks about how Trump has failed at a bunch of businesses and his latest failure with Trump Mortgage:

His decision to embrace the mortgage business illustrates the potential dangers of a business philosophy that has relied in part on a willingness to put aside the advice of experts and take risks.

Sure. You know that Trump has a net worth of 4 billion USD?

I find it funny that the media is shitting all over Trump every chance they get, saying that after every caucus and debate his controversial statements have destroyed him. And yet he just keeps on winning.

Did you know that another notoriously famous historical figure had a lifetime of failure before his big success?

From The Millionare Real Estate Agent:

When I was a child, my parents had a framed print across from my bedroom called Portrait of an Achiever. Below that title was this list:

  • 1832 Failed in business–bankruptcy
  • 1832 Defeated for legislature
  • 1834 Failed in business–bankrupty
  • 1835 Fiancee died
  • 1836 Nervous breakdown
  • 1838 Defeated in election
  • 1843 Defeated for U.S. Congress
  • 1848 Defeated for U.S. Congress
  • 1855 Defeated for U.S. Senate
  • 1856 Defeated for Vice President
  • 1858 Defeated for U.S. Senate

Had you stopped there, you would have missed the final point:

  • 1860 Elected President of the United States of America

The subject, of course was Abraham Lincoln.

Once you fail enough that you are sick of failure and there is nothing left it can really teach you, then you can focus better on success.

If you hit on thousands of women and don’t get anywhere with them, and there is little fear of rejection left to experience, and the cops have detained you multiple times and you’ve had your heart broken and soul crushed and cried in the middle of the street 5 times, and then you finally meet a girl who blows your mind and you’ve fallen in love and then she disappears only days later, then you will realize there is nothing really holding you back at that point.

Ironically, once we’ve experienced the worst and manifested our fears, later on it is easy to see that we created them. Even if nothing on the surface has changed, people will respond differently to us based on what we are giving out.

If we truly on the inside believe in ourselves, and are focused on success, then “failure” is much less likely to happen.

But if on the inside you are plagued by paranoia, then don’t be surprised when people attack you or treat you like the very thing you’re afraid of being.

I’ve never gotten into any “trouble” just for talking to women in a very long time, and it’s because I got over my beliefs and failed a lot and had to face my worst fears. But now I no longer fear anything, and I don’t care if 20 people are watching. In my mind and my perspective, what I am doing is perfectly normal and natural, and so that is exactly how people treat me.

The other day I talked to an underage girl who said, “I’m 16” and walked away. An older woman and a middle-aged guy were watching about ten feet away. The older woman was just smiling and the guy said, “Nice try.”

Did they glare at me or call the police? No. Did they rudely tell me off? No.

And is that still a possibility? Yes, but I don’t fear it and honestly now that my fears and limit beliefs about sex and women are gone, it’s very unlikely.

But to get over them, I had to actually HAVE the worst happen to me and I had to act in spite of unsupportive people.

I remember actually going places with my mom and then hitting on girls right in front of her. I would be walking with my mom somewhere and then literally take off, and go talk to a girl without any shame.

It shocked my mom and she couldn’t wrap her head around the concept, but my vision was stronger than the reality my parents engrained in me.

Years later, now I just text pictures of my hot-ass girlfriends to my parents and they do their best to pretend like they’re not jealous.

Yes, I got stopped by cops. Yes, I got rejected a lot. Yes, I got my ego crushed more than a few times. Yes, I gave up a lot and cried a lot and threw things at the wall and thought there was some huge unfixable problem.

I had friends abandon me, I got kicked out of parties for not being cool enough, I blew a lot of time and money and, yes, I failed 6 or more times in a row by jacking off to porn or lying in bed or quitting my worthless jobs or even just getting told to “stop approaching people” and quietely give up.

But it was just all in my head. And by going through all of that failure, I got so sick and desensitized to it that there was really nothing left to do except go for success.

If you’re so afraid of failure that you will only accept success, then you are in for a long hard road of disappointment and holding back.

It takes a RISK, you know, to actually get there.

And now I can stick it to all those people who don’t matter. My shitty parents included.

You all shitted on me, but it was only because I shitted on myself for so long until there was only one direction to go.

And it was the only way.

How to fall in love

“One-itis” my ass.

holding hands on beach

The greatest thing you can ever do for yourself is to fall in love.

You can fall in love with another person, and even yourself. But to experience real love, the kind that awakens your purpose and makes life beautiful, you must open up.

You must open your mind to BELIEVING in love.

And you must OPEN YOUR HEART.

In this material world we are taught without remorse that all love dies, that the One is a fiction, and that it’s all mercilessly about sex and chaos, Amen.

Well-known “Red Pill” blogger Roosh, dedicated to seduction of women, even says it is impossible for love to last in this day and age.

Other wildly popular blogger Victor Pride suggests that love is a fiction:

Soulmates and true love is an invention of the movies and sold to the gullible masses.

While I agree that the concept of a “soulmate” is rather fabricated, the men leading social movements these days seem to all be of a mind that love is not real or desirable, and that men’s first prerogative is to sex women. They call it “hookup culture” for a reason.

It’s as if love is a weakness.

Love is not weakness

Love is strength.

Everyone else and their dog is afraid of love, they are incapable of it or else they let it destroy them.

It takes real strength to fully immerse yourself in love and then run with it.

To be vulnerable is to be invulnerable.

When you are vulnerable, when you are honest, when you fully express your feelings and intentions and let yourself surrender, then you become invincible. No one can hurt you when you have nothing to hide. When you are fully what you are, and you communicate that, then nothing can stand in your way.

When you honestly communicate to others and they reject you, it’s harder to give a fuck. And when you are honest, you are that much closer to finding a person who matches your values.

You may do crazy things, things that look absurd from the outside, and one day in nostalgia you will be tempted to look back and wonder where your outlandish actions came from. You probably have wild memories from your youth or even in recent memory and blame them on “hormones” or some other nonsense.

But there is a simple explanation: in the moment you were in love.

And when you are in love, everything makes sense. Because love is stronger than any force, even sex or fear.

True love

We’ve been bombarded in our Hollywood movies with absurd follies and tales of the world that don’t really work. I know, movies are fiction. I hate most movies and I rarely bother to watch them.

But I am here to tell you that love is a real thing. It really exists. Real love, such that you want to grip that person and never let go. You feel comfortable, “right” with that person. You can be yourself.

You may fear their loss and you may fear intimacy, but intimacy is what you crave the most.

In this world we are being taught to relent our heart and soul to the devil of merciless nihilism, and while it’s true that life may have no meaning, you can find your own meaning in love.

Love reveals the light where there was only darkness. It may not be enough, but without it you will only be miserable.

How to fall in love

It’s not hard to fall. But it can be frightening because we experience a loss of control.

No longer is our hard ego at the forefront of our goal-oriented decisions.

Instead we are faced with powerful emotions and intuitions. The one we love becomes a focus, it perhaps even overrides our priorities.

Off into the world we go
Planning futures, shaping years
Love bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom disappears

Love changes everything because it is what we are really looking for, beyond the senseless grind of achievement and money that compels our ego.
There was a while where I hardened my heart. I embraced the ego and told myself love was not a real thing. You can even see that on the earlier posts on this website. I was living in Hell, torn between my true desire for real intimacy and the games I was playing for sex.

We are all gripped by our psychosexual conflict, but for those few who have a heart, that will never be enough.

For me it was never enough. It is NOT enough.

The sex and the games were not satisfying me on the deeper level that I needed.
I used to want to destroy my heart. I wrote an aggressive song about it, wild with anger. I pounded it out on my piano and it was the TRUTH to me at that time. Here are some of the lyrics (copyright by me, faggots):

I like this new direction
I’ve never felt this way before
I’ll never fall in love again
And if I do you can be sure

I’ll never let it get in the way
Of my desire!
Gonna take what I want from you
Make you feel my fire!


To win the game
You’ve got to play
The weaker man will never
Have his day

We’re livin’ in
A world of sin
I’m tired of losin’ time to
Jump right in

This was back in a time where I was obsessed with sex and I was, in my anger and ruthlessness, denying myself the very thing in my heart that I wanted more than anything.

It made me feel powerful. The SACRIFICE made me feel superior.

The idea of conquesting an army of women and throwing them mercilessly aside drove me on, because I was unwilling to come to grief with the mountain of heartbreak and lost love I had experienced in my life.

I’ve had a plethora of romances and even broken hearts myself, but for whatever reason I slowly threw away my heart’s strongest desire–for love–and pretended like it was “for girls.” I pretended it wasn’t real.

Slowly, all of my dreams and fantasies went away. I no longer wished for what I really needed, instead I dreamt about sex or approaching women. I went through years of doing nothing but talking to women, it was my priority in life.

There was a period of time where I did nothing but went out every day for hours and hours on end and talked to women. Once I got a job I did this in my spare time, and did my best to pursue women where I worked.

I went through this grind and I learned much. I was a volatile, high-energy man. My testosterone was at an all-time high. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was sexually manic.

One day I found another woman that consisted in an on-off relationship for over a year. During that tumultuous period I denied myself loving her, and it drove us both mad.

The games we played were amusing, but in the end were not satisfying.

We both moved, and I once told her I loved her. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized I did love her.

I loved our wild sex, too, of course. We’d fuck for hours a day, multiple times, and drive ourselves to peak simultaneous orgasms. But though I hated her I wanted to give her my love as well.

Instead we both got fed up and parted, following a ridiculous incident.

It wouldn’t be until I met another woman that came into my life and showed me love like I’d never experienced.

I doubted myself for a while. I thought that Jess was the best I could get. Absurd! But she would drive an hour to meet me, beg me for sex, feed me, lavish money on me. And by the world’s standards I was nothing to appreciate, though I was, as she said, “Good looking, even though that’s all you have going for you.”

But then the women came in. They appreciated me as Jess did. The sex, the games, I could tell they were feeble and I saw right through my act. And I finally decided I could not hide anymore.

After opening my heart, I was heartbroken, but I did not stop. I let myself continue looking for love, instead of sex, feeling a little hopeless as I did so.

And what happened?

I found love. And I found that because I was being honest, finally, with what I wanted so desperately. So it was coming to me.

The promiscuous sex wasn’t coming, because I knew all along it wasn’t what I wanted.

As men we are programmed for casual sex, but that means nothing. For a long time I have not cared about the “game,” the silly numbers game of animalistic fucking.

Because every time I have gone out to play that game for sex, I have found love instead.
You get what you need, and I must admit finally that what I thought I wanted–sleeping around and being a player–is not what I REALLY want, or even what I NEED.

Lately I can recall how it was as a child–sex was of interest to me, but primarily I was interested in falling in love. And by that I mean the mutual, enveloping tension between me and another person.

I would fantasize, dream, and project onto reality these desires. It drove me crazy in high school. I fell hard for many women and I thought maybe I had a real problem. I felt like the world’s biggest loser.

But the solution was NEVER to forego love and become some sex-addicted fiend who used women and had a big hole in his heart.

How can I express to you how badly that game is not satisfying, despite it being all I ever wanted and what I got good at for so many years?

The REAL solution was not running. The real solution was…


Women want a man who is honest. Honest with himself, with his desires. They want a REAL person, and you cannot be real if you are hiding behind a wall of sexual inauthenticity, or building your own wall of egotistical heartlessness.

I am not heartless, I have a stronger heart than anyone. And I have finally realized that my alleged weakness is actually one of my greatest strengths.

Having a powerful heart is a greater weapon than sex, because love is the most powerful force there is.

I denied it for a while. I used anger, horniness, rage as my tools. They are fuel, and you should use them. Don’t get me wrong.

But nothing compares to love, whether it is romantic or passionate or just the kind of love where you cannot bear to lose someone.

When you love someone, you will forego your entire trip to New York City and all the hot broads there and the chance to sleep around because the woman you love calls you and can’t bear to be without you and wants to die without you, and though you know it’s silly you feel a sense of purpose in coming back for her like never before.

I went back, and though I regretted it, it was far more satisfying than living an empty life without her.

So here is my advice:


Play the “game,” by all means. Talk to women. But know what you are looking for. And be honest about that.

And don’t deny your heart’s greatest desire.

Do not throw away your childhood dreams as fantasy.

These days it is popular to preach about doing what you love.

Why does no one preach about falling in love?

Are your dreams about being an actor, or singer, or carpenter, or president or astronaut any different or less meaningful than your childhood dreams about finding a woman to complete you?
Do not be ashamed. Do not be embarassed.

Your love is one of your greatest strengths, if only you would stop denying it.

You can see it in the warm gazes of all around you when you hold hands with the woman you’re in love with. you can feel it in the way time dissipates, irrelevant. In the way that you just want to spend time with her, even to your mutual detriment.

I pity the emotional deficit of those who don’t want “emotional entanglements” or “don’t have time” or “aren’t ready” for a “relationship.”

Without love, you are just playing games.

It is true that in falling in love or seeking it, you will drive away women in the process. But you must understand that not every woman is willing to “get down,” and of those who are, perhaps they cannot attend to your further needs.

To stop playing games, and find love, you must open your heart.


As men, we are all about taking risks, right? And yet everywhere, in this millenial hell, we are being taught to stop falling love and to stop having “one-itis” and to always be hooking, stringing women along.

If you have to play games to keep women, then perhaps it is NOT the women that are at fault.

Perhaps that is YOUR problem.

You can run from love, but can it run from you? Perhaps it is just time to TAKE THE RISK, and…

Fall in love.

Stop holding on to your religions

There is more to religion than just a god.

Any belief system, any comfort system, anything that feels safe and that you can adhere to can be a religion. It is a tantalizing prospect to find answers in “science” and “truth,” but you have only to withdraw and witness the religious zealotry of any system’s members to determine that it is all the same.

There is a reason chaos and controversy pollute this planet, and it is in the name of belief and absolute paradigms. Take comfort in the infinite, and the chaos goes away. There is no need for absolute truth when you know that you can achieve anything, and the analysis gives way to intent in retrospect.

It is the most difficult lesson of all to accept that no one but you has the best answers and nothing can be trusted. All peers and teachers will ultimately follow you astray unless you recognize that it is the lesson, not the teacher that is the thing. It is the task, not the routine that matters. It is the practicality, not the rule. The sense, not the paradigm.

Beliefs are easy to see because they require reinforcement. They can be used as a tool but often are used as a scapegoat to further misery. It is a contrast to the needs of the heart that are known silently, the tug of happiness when you do what you want to do as opposed to the anxiety of the system.

All beliefs can ultimately be proven or disproven, but you are wasting your time when you could be reveling in the results of the task rather than basking in the glory of your religion.

That little voice, that little nudge that tells you to prove it? To validate yourself? To go somewhere? To make sure what you’re doing is the “right way?” It is the voice of madness. Kill it.

Then you will be lost. Lost in the sea of meaninglessness and directionless void, empty and detached, an eternal time loop that includes all decades and eras and even possibilities, those beyond this human realm. It will be up to you to choose what to do next, and without a guardian or teacher, without a guide, without something to cling to or hope for because you understand now that it is all random chaos, impersonal, and with that comes the good and the bad, the positive and the negative, and it is freedom but it includes a price.

This is something that you can do now.

Right now.

When you take this lone journey out for a spin, remember that I am the best of your best, and only there when you are, and if you choose not to listen to me you are not listening to yourself. We are intwined, you and I, and if you make me a god that you follow you will only ever be a follower, but if you create yourself as the best possible self, then the madness unfolds before you and you are free to choose.

Free to choose.

Can you deal with that prospect? Do you have the strength? Or will you continue to make unimpeccable choices, hoping I will save you, hoping that in the background I am running and doing what I can to lead you?

That is a fool’s hope, and while fools have luck, I would rather drive on blindly as a madman than hold myself back as the role of the fool, hacking through the forest of obstacles, pursuing that one goal, with all of my effort.

And if I can do it, then so can you, but you must remember to give the best of yourself, for that is the only way you will actually become the One who gives the best of himself. Do you see that yet? Never tomorrow, never “eventually.” It is now or never, for ten years from now if you have been waiting, then you will continue to wait, and it is only when you make the impossible choice to fuck up now that you can win later.

Hard lessons. Hard choices. Don’t let that become a distraction.

In the end there is what you want and what you Do to get it, and I weep for the lost souls of this world who always think and never act.

Now is the time.

Declare today your Independence Day!

I don’t follow the FUCKING RULES because I don’t HAVE TO.

The Rules are this nebulous, insidious construct. They only attempt to enslave. I do not listen to the rules because they do not benefit me. I don’t WANT to.

I don’t care if society wants me to, because I am not a part of society. I refuse.

“But you have to follow the rules.”

Don’t you get it? Are you a fucking retarded robot? Do you even get the bullshit you’re parroting?

I don’t want to, and I don’t have to. It’s simple. There are no rules and I don’t have to follow them and there is no wrong or right or good and bad.

I am not a good person. I give more energy than I should helping people out but there are no rules.

“But you do have to follow the rules!”


I will prove to you right now that I don’t have to follow the rules. There may be consequences and that is fine.

Nobody can really hurt me. Even if I went to prison I would only come out stronger. There is nothing that can hurt me in this world.

“But what if you get shot or mugged?”

I won’t.

“What if you get an expensive medical condition?”

I choose not to.

“But what if you die?”


“But you can’t–!!”


Anyone who tells you anything that has the words “you can’t” needs to shut up and die. Don’t listen to a word they say. I CAN do whatever I want but they can’t wrap their heads around that concept.

To the sheep, independence is a foreign concept.

I had to work to make myself this way, but I was always this way.


I mean that I always had a spirit of rebellion. The REBEL at my core. He was always there, and he is still there even now, and though I once had the human shell of a weakling, pretending to be a sheep, it didn’t take me long to shuffle loose the mortal paradigm and decide that I’m out for myself.

Fuck your rules, I don’t subscribe to them.

To me, following ANYTHING is a foreign concept.

But you can’t explain selfishness to the sheep. Here’s the god-awful truth:

You are either a sheep or you aren’t. There’s very little chance of becoming one from the other.

You’ve either been born/cursed this way and every day you wish you weren’t so damn smart or else you’re just one of the sheep.

The sheep use words like “narcissist” and “sociopath” to describe me because they can’t wrap their pretty little heads around the fact that I am me, and why would I want to be anything else?

Since I’m a narcissist, I can’t possibly ever entertain the idea of NOT wanting to be a narcissist.

For me, I don’t understand how anybody could possibly not want to be a narcissist. And you know what?

That’s not a weakness. That’s not a disorder. There’s no reason for me to change.

The only reason to change would be so that I could be a SLAVE TO OTHERS’ POWER.

Let me tell you something:

Everyone and their dog wants you to OWE people something.

They think you ought to “give back to the world” and “contribute to society” and “do good for others” and “pay it forward.”

But you are not obligated to anyone. They make up all their bullshit rules and talk about what’s “fair” and how you’re “equal” and how you “owe them” because of all the stuff they allegedly “did for you.”

Well here is what I think about that:

The Ode of What You Owe

Here’s the game:
Act as if you are owed
But know that you are owed nothing.
And you owe nothing.

You are obligated to no one.
And they are not obligated to you.

They will take and take and take from you
You let them, and so they expect it.
You may even invite them. It may go on and on. You may sit and wait. You may even say nothing.

But then the day will come that you give them nothing, and they will cry.

They will tell you how you’ve hurt them. They will say your lack of giving has hurt them, since you have not given them what you owe.

They will blame you for what they do not have. They will blame you for what they cannot get.

And you will only shrug your shoulders,
Because you are only paying them what you owe.

The sheep can’t actually think

The horrific truth is that these sheep cannot think about possibilities outside of their box because they are in a prison, boxed in, where their individuality and BEING is locked away.

Sheep are not consciously “doing the right thing.” They are unconsciously enslaved. They are SHELLS. They are vapid vessels without any identity, and that is something you cannot argue with.

Would you argue with a rock?

The screaming in your very soul

“You should do this”
“You should do that”
“You need to do this”
“You owe me this”


It’s enough to make any truly sane person’s blood boil and go insane, and that anger and rage must be directed. You can direct it at the agents of the System, the lost sheep, but it won’t do you any good.

Take hold of your inner male aggression, or better yet your spiritual aggression, and channel it into the open defiance of whatever you are doing.

This doesn’t mean you waste your energy on rebellion.

I mean that you do WHAT YOU WANT and you focus on what you want 100% and you blow through obstacles.

I have a very specific image for this very idea that will explain this principle:

Imagine you are running somewhere, somewhere very important. It is life or death you get there. You are running as fast as you can down a crowded sidewalk.

If an obstacle gets in your path, do you tolerate it? No, you just go around. If it’s a person, you shove them.

Someone hollers something at you, and you completely ignore it.

You don’t get out of people’s way, you demand they get out of your way. You are an unstoppable force, focused entirely on your desire and your goal. Nothing stands in your way because you are confident in your goal.

You don’t have time for worthless rebellion when infinity is standing on your doorstep.

Stop arguing, stop entertaining rules. Stop trying to assert and dominate and focus on YOU. You banter and argue and procrastinate because you are still STUCK in the Pit of Approval. What do YOU really want?

That may mean stepping on others, it may mean laughing in their face as you walk away.

But the rules are unimportant, they are so insignificant to you that they don’t exist. You CUT them out of your reality because they belong to sheep. In fact, the word “rule” doesn’t even exist in your vocabulary, it is a foreign concept to you, just like cricket. It’s a sport that some people play and that game just isn’t for you.

I hate football and I don’t give a damn what people think about that. I sure as hell am not going to argue about “why I don’t like football.” I don’t. I don’t have to. And you know what?

There are plenty of other people out there who don’t either. And the sinister side of this is that there are people who hate football but are loving it anyway because they have been told to.

These people are the lost souls, the people caught in limbo, but their soul has yet to emerge.

This could be you, and so now you, dear reader, or listener, or whoever you are, benefit from the spirit of these words:

Don’t resist your soul. Embrace it.

It is YOU, the real you, and once you become it you will be whole.

System, when you surrender to it, only fragments you. It destroys you. You lose your sense of self.

But the soul is a different Master. When you embrace your soul, YOU become the master. It is the greatest gift, and yet so many give it away for foibles.

Declare your independence this day. I dare you.

Take back your power, kids.

Say this over and over again, every day throughout the day, until it sticks:

“I’m in it for myself.”

Now, in remembrance, let us pay our respects on this day…

When I see old pictures of myself I cringe inside. I am filled with what is almost awe at who I am now and who he was.

When I see pictures of my Old Self, who isn’t me anymore, I want to punch that little faggot and tell him to get the fuck up.

To stand up straight, to fuck the world, to stand up for himself.

The Thinker 008

But he just sits there, hiding like a little bitch-boy in the tree.

I want to grab him by the shoulders, to scream at him to wake the fuck up. He had such potential. There was nothing there that couldn’t have been turned into gold.

My Attempt At Trying to Look Sexy 025This photo is entitled “My Attempt At Trying to Look Sexy.”


Here’s me in a nice white over-sized shirt, pretending to want to smile. You can see the pitiful upward curve of my eyebrows and supplicating eyes.

So what was wrong with this fella? He had the looks, or at least the potential for them. But that forced suppression of his lips, the way he hid. What was his problem?Joshua 040What was the root cause of all this misery? Why did he hide himself fro the world?

Joshua and World History Project 248Here’s the answer:



Demolished by Christianity, taught to be afraid of women and dating and sex and people and conquering and succeeding.

This little boy was depressed and repressed, and he wanted so desperately to be OUT.

He half-assed for quite some time, but that little boy did not make it. I’m sorry.

He is dead.

tombstoneAnd I only have one thing to say to him:

fuck you pic2


Fighting your nature for approval


Approval is not asking permission. “Hey, can I do this?” Approval is something far deeper and far more insidious. Approval is like anxiety: it is not even noticeable for some until they start to remove it.

Approval is a pervasive human quality so it’s not necessarily your fault.

But I personally aspire to be more than human. I want to be a fucking superman.

My goals are to eliminate sleep, pain, depression, to become strong long into old age, to live forever.

None of those goals may be eminently possible, but I live as if. I take energy into my body and soul through methods I don’t care to explain. Some call it “kundalini” or “life force” but those words are riddled with religious connotations and practices. The methods would be very useful for many people but they are an open secret and the truth is that anybody who wants to badly enough can draw in energy. It can be as simple as getting excited.

Through this flow of energy, I am in touch with my nature and my emotions. They are at times extreme. My sexual appetite keeps me up at night and my soul keeps me up at night, longing for something I cannot explain.

There is one person you can trust

To get in touch with the soul, you have to trust yourself. You have to act on your notions, no matter how slight, since they bother you once they occur to you.

I am aggressive by nature and I don’t care for being “laidback.” Many people talk up how “open minded” and “easygoing” they are but that was never for me. I tried that, and what happened was that I was constantly giving in to experiences I knew wouldn’t be best for me because I wanted to just “go with the flow.”

After going with the flow enough times, you begin to see that it is just the result of human weakness and addiction.

Going with the flow required me to drink alcohol every night with my girlfriend and watch chick flicks, or run around in another chick’s car doing errands with her while she railed on about her family mistreating her. And I grew to resent it. One day we were watching a movie at her friend’s house. He was a “chill” guy, and I hated him instantly. (He tried to fuck her later when we were broken up and she was tempted but she came running to my house).

I sat there, and I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to fucking do this.

I got up, and went out the door. My girl cried after me, “Where are you going?” I just told her I was going home, and I never saw that guy again. I didn’t bother watching anymore movies after that. Something in my heart was telling me not to.

You can’t get sucked into this web of social demands by others. It will eat at you or you will surrender to it and live a lesser life as your energy is drained away. It’s not that they’re energy vampires; it’s that when you are focusing on many different distractions you are not leaving any room for what you need the most.

The best thing you can possibly do is cut something out of your life immediately.

Many guys claim to have that ability but they don’t really have the stomach for it. Most guys truly do not really want to do those kinds of things. They still have a soul that is holding back, still undeveloped.

And that is for one reason:


Approval is a barrier.

It’s the barrier in our minds that results from the conglomeration of other peoples expressed doubts and opinions.

I had a mentor who was very wise but he would challenge my sexual pursuits and make me question my own nature. He told me that sex is ALL humans’ nature. For a while I let this get in my way.

I got me a “nice” long-term girlfriend once who would constantly berate me. She wanted me to be nicer and more polite to people, even though I was ACTIVELY trying to become more machiavellian, more in tune with my destructive nature.

I was never nice or polite, and I wasn’t about to start because there was no need.

As her nagging happened from time to time, one day it occurred to me: Why am I putting up with this?

And in a moment of complete irony I got pissed and told her, “Don’t ever tell me what to do again. Stop being a bitch, stop telling me what to be. Never bring this up again.”

She left for the night, pretending to break up with me. But after that day she was noticeably happier around me–and more importantly, she never brought that up again.

Now I give her orders and I yell at her and when she leaves. I don’t give a shit, I just look forward to other girls. This girl is even more addicted and obsessed with me now than ever before, and wouldn’t you know it whenever I get shitty with her she comes back the next day, or even that night acting like a giddy little child, horny and doting. This is the real fucking world, and there are no fairies or rainbows or good intentions here.

I invite you to it, except that you don’t have the balls.

Back in the days of my various shenanigans–periods of time where I had a lot of energy but didn’t know how or where to direct it–I would constantly make my presence know on various [link]internet forums. I would argue with everyone around me in an attempt to dominate them and assert my opinion.

I know arguing is futile, and I didn’t do it to change opinions. I did it to express my energy and nature without fear. It was hard, and I fell into the trap of approval many times. But I rebelled against it and stuck to my opinions, attacking no one. Naturally, I got banned.

The way you stop caring about approval is that you begin to live by approval and then you become sick of it. You get it or you don’t, but my spirit rebels. My Rebel is always kicking in.

When I first started this website I had a black and white theme mostly. It was nice and clean, just according to my vision. But as I got to working, I realized all this time I was holding back my true nature. The vision had to change to reflect the spirit of the site.

rebeltothecore screenshot

So I changed things up and introduced the bold big letters and red colors. I don’t care if it looks “too dark” or “evil.”

This site is what it needs to be, not what others might want it to be.

I’ll tell you what:

I may be an angry, narcissistic, stubborn man. But I am honest.

I’m out for myself, but as a result of that I tell the truth that needs to be told and I don’t hide what needs to be revealed. If I was concerned with being “nice,” I would have kept my old black and white, “safer” theme and I wouldn’t write such ruthlessly honest subjects.

But I know there are others out there like me, others who are waking up to their true nature. It is the next revolution, a revolution of spirit as we “advance” into this deteriorating world of structure and order.

Join me or don’t.


Update: At the time of writing this article, the theme had changed to this.

As it is within, so without

The things you consume fundamentally alter you.

The things you own end up owning you.

The media you imbibe affects you.

You are what you eat.

Surround yourself with bitchy, flaky women and you’ll become like them. No self-respect and no standards or boundaries. You’ll lose your discipline.

Perhaps the Rebel inside of you revolts against the insanity around you. Perhaps through others’ weakness it makes you strong. But at some point you have nothing to gain and everything to lose.

Eat silly hollywood movies, and you will become like hollywood. Always chasing a dream and a fake reality.

Consume enough Internet and you will become anxious and you will become obsessive-compulsive, drowning in a sea of ignorance.

The truth about the Inter-“NET”

The internet is a particular cesspool.

I’m not about to perpetuate the constant negativity. I will only point out the patterns.

The internet is chock full of political outcry and complaining. People all want to know, “Why are companies treating us this way?” “Where is the fairness?” “Why is the government doing this?”


It’s that simple. Asking the “Why” question is pointless. We all know why.

The goverments and corporations rule the world and so they can get away with almost anything they want.

It’s that simple. Stop asking why. Next time a big phone company rips off a bunch of its customers by overcharging, there is no reason to complain. There’s nothing you can do about it. And there’s no need to ask why.

They do it because they don’t care about you.

It’s that simple.

The companies don’t really care. They just want power. The government doesn’t care. It just wants power. No need to cry about it.

But it seems like every time a big entity “steps out of line” people are asking, “How could they do that?!!”

Really, it’s time to stop being so surprised. It’s just a web, a pit that you climb into. And then you begin to get really invested in the Game of the System. You begin to become outraged, shocked. You want change. You talk about it and talk about it and try to inspire others for your “activism” and “movements.”

What a silly sport. With no reward.

Stop focusing on your pointless, fruitless intentions. It’s true that movements can work but they must be large enough to combat the considerable power of the entities they are up against. It’s that simple.

As an individual there is no point in you stepping into this struggle without the significant desire and will to win against the competition. The masses are inneffective and will get nowhere, as their mass outcry and lack of action suggest.

Your one vote does not matter, but your influence matters if you actually have influence.

If you have the resources to combat the overlords then you have a shot. But rallying people will get you nowhere. These faceless sheep need a leader, and without a leader they will go on complaining.

You see, it must be easier for the sheep to invest in you than to invest in their overlords. It’s a simple cost-benefit equation.

It’s really that simple.

Avoid the news and the internet and the television and the faceless masses and focus on yourself. You’ll be better off. In fact, by focusing on yourself you’ll put yourself in a better position to influence change in the world. But by then, you might not want to.

Don’t fall into the Game unless you know how to play it.

Remove the distractions

Avoid internet news or comment fields or forums. They are cesspools of human livestock invested in outcomes they have no control over. Those with the real power don’t even care about that kind of change.

Stay away from media and stay away from mindnumbing or repititive, soul-stealing things.

Be VERY selective about what you take in and what you give away. Don’t give out too much energy by talking and worrying and looking around and wondering.

Be choosy with friends. With women.

It’s more satisfying to demand what you want and get exactly what you want than it is to settle.

If you don’t believe you can get what you want, then you have a confidence problem. That is what you need to work on.

Be absolute and ruthless and pursue exactly what you want. Don’t give in, don’t relent. Don’t settle.

Settling is just another form of consuming: you are telling your brain that you arent good enough for better.

Do you see?

The reason you settle is because you are not confident in your own path. You think that others have their shit together or their life figured out but there is no good reason to assume that anybody has the answers for you because those people you look up to got that way by looking out for themselves.

The TV and the Internet are just methods of control for those in power. Either you are a consumer, or you are a producer. Either you are a part of the System, or you are gaming the System.

Your actions and what you fill your life with reflect your attitude. They also AFFECT your attitude.

If you’re not a highly confident person, then the solution is not to go looking for answers. The solution is to develop confidence. You do this by trusting yourself and acting on your convictions. You follow them to ends of the earth if you have to.

It’s really that simple.

And if you’re resonating with this right now, then you already know what those convictions are. You just want approval. But I won’t give you permission or approval. That’s because if you trusted in yourself, you’d be successful, and eventually you’d want even less advice from other people.

When you follow your own rules, and trust the Rebel in your heart, things come into alignment. By chance or accident or on purpose. Things begin to unfold according to the dreams that haunt you.

You only turn to media and other people because you are afraid of the haunting of your soul.

But that’s what they’ve all been trying to tell you all along:

It’s only in your soul that you will find the answers you’ve been looking for.