Cost of Love

You cannot save the one you love when
she is no longer the one you love.
How can you overcome your fickle human mind?
You pursue unending pain and you long so strongly
for the person buried there underneath that
you punch the wall in frustration and
swear upon your life that you wish
you had never seen it, never had that
which now continually eludes you,
what was lost but seems so unendingly close.

You want to destroy her for not being what
she hoodwinked you into seeing. You want
to kill the one you love for refusing to be
what she swore. What you carefully cultivated
and expected and saw hope for, but now
she has turned away, and you cannot force
a change.

You wish you could love her for what she is now,
but the frustration will tear you apart. Your eyes
have been opened and there is no going back.

In some distant empathy you recognize she
is going her own way, as destructive as it appears
to you, and she is resisting her meds for her own
stubborn and adolescent resistance.

As much as you hate the multiple people you must
now deal with in her mind, you can’t help but wonder
if your need for control is not in her best interest,
and that perhaps her defiant and lonely path is
the sane and sensible one.

How much of a program are you?

You do to what you love
the very same as those talons you chose to flee
long ago.

In this dark and seemingly hopeless tunnel toward
loss and grief, you imagine that it is time to go
your own way–again. Her one final lesson as
an act of rebellion is to teach you to do the same.

And on your lonely road you will defy many
who profess to love you.

And you will endlessly long for what you had and lost,
pining for what does not seem to exist any longer,
and you are insane for trying to create it again.

Insane and driven,
you carry out your own defiance to all.

…but the greatest pain is knowing you are just like
her, both mad and wanting the same thing. You
walk away, feeling as though you have lost not
just a woman, but a part of yourself.

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