HERE IS WHAT APPROVAL IS NOT:
Approval is not asking permission. “Hey, can I do this?” Approval is something far deeper and far more insidious. Approval is like anxiety: it is not even noticeable for some until they start to remove it.
Approval is a pervasive human quality so it’s not necessarily your fault.
But I personally aspire to be more than human. I want to be a fucking superman.
My goals are to eliminate sleep, pain, depression, to become strong long into old age, to live forever.
None of those goals may be eminently possible, but I live as if. I take energy into my body and soul through methods I don’t care to explain. Some call it “kundalini” or “life force” but those words are riddled with religious connotations and practices. The methods would be very useful for many people but they are an open secret and the truth is that anybody who wants to badly enough can draw in energy. It can be as simple as getting excited.
Through this flow of energy, I am in touch with my nature and my emotions. They are at times extreme. My sexual appetite keeps me up at night and my soul keeps me up at night, longing for something I cannot explain.
There is one person you can trust
To get in touch with the soul, you have to trust yourself. You have to act on your notions, no matter how slight, since they bother you once they occur to you.
I am aggressive by nature and I don’t care for being “laidback.” Many people talk up how “open minded” and “easygoing” they are but that was never for me. I tried that, and what happened was that I was constantly giving in to experiences I knew wouldn’t be best for me because I wanted to just “go with the flow.”
After going with the flow enough times, you begin to see that it is just the result of human weakness and addiction.
Going with the flow required me to drink alcohol every night with my girlfriend and watch chick flicks, or run around in another chick’s car doing errands with her while she railed on about her family mistreating her. And I grew to resent it. One day we were watching a movie at her friend’s house. He was a “chill” guy, and I hated him instantly. (He tried to fuck her later when we were broken up and she was tempted but she came running to my house).
I sat there, and I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to fucking do this.
I got up, and went out the door. My girl cried after me, “Where are you going?” I just told her I was going home, and I never saw that guy again. I didn’t bother watching anymore movies after that. Something in my heart was telling me not to.
You can’t get sucked into this web of social demands by others. It will eat at you or you will surrender to it and live a lesser life as your energy is drained away. It’s not that they’re energy vampires; it’s that when you are focusing on many different distractions you are not leaving any room for what you need the most.
The best thing you can possibly do is cut something out of your life immediately.
Many guys claim to have that ability but they don’t really have the stomach for it. Most guys truly do not really want to do those kinds of things. They still have a soul that is holding back, still undeveloped.
And that is for one reason:
Approval is a barrier.
It’s the barrier in our minds that results from the conglomeration of other peoples expressed doubts and opinions.
I had a mentor who was very wise but he would challenge my sexual pursuits and make me question my own nature. He told me that sex is ALL humans’ nature. For a while I let this get in my way.
I got me a “nice” long-term girlfriend once who would constantly berate me. She wanted me to be nicer and more polite to people, even though I was ACTIVELY trying to become more machiavellian, more in tune with my destructive nature.
I was never nice or polite, and I wasn’t about to start because there was no need.
As her nagging happened from time to time, one day it occurred to me: Why am I putting up with this?
And in a moment of complete irony I got pissed and told her, “Don’t ever tell me what to do again. Stop being a bitch, stop telling me what to be. Never bring this up again.”
She left for the night, pretending to break up with me. But after that day she was noticeably happier around me–and more importantly, she never brought that up again.
Now I give her orders and I yell at her and when she leaves. I don’t give a shit, I just look forward to other girls. This girl is even more addicted and obsessed with me now than ever before, and wouldn’t you know it whenever I get shitty with her she comes back the next day, or even that night acting like a giddy little child, horny and doting. This is the real fucking world, and there are no fairies or rainbows or good intentions here.
I invite you to it, except that you don’t have the balls.
Back in the days of my various shenanigans–periods of time where I had a lot of energy but didn’t know how or where to direct it–I would constantly make my presence know on various [link]internet forums. I would argue with everyone around me in an attempt to dominate them and assert my opinion.
I know arguing is futile, and I didn’t do it to change opinions. I did it to express my energy and nature without fear. It was hard, and I fell into the trap of approval many times. But I rebelled against it and stuck to my opinions, attacking no one. Naturally, I got banned.
The way you stop caring about approval is that you begin to live by approval and then you become sick of it. You get it or you don’t, but my spirit rebels. My Rebel is always kicking in.
When I first started this website I had a black and white theme mostly. It was nice and clean, just according to my vision. But as I got to working, I realized all this time I was holding back my true nature. The vision had to change to reflect the spirit of the site.
So I changed things up and introduced the bold big letters and red colors. I don’t care if it looks “too dark” or “evil.”
This site is what it needs to be, not what others might want it to be.
I’ll tell you what:
I may be an angry, narcissistic, stubborn man. But I am honest.
I’m out for myself, but as a result of that I tell the truth that needs to be told and I don’t hide what needs to be revealed. If I was concerned with being “nice,” I would have kept my old black and white, “safer” theme and I wouldn’t write such ruthlessly honest subjects.
But I know there are others out there like me, others who are waking up to their true nature. It is the next revolution, a revolution of spirit as we “advance” into this deteriorating world of structure and order.
Join me or don’t.
Update: At the time of writing this article, the theme had changed to this.