“One-itis” my ass.
The greatest thing you can ever do for yourself is to fall in love.
You can fall in love with another person, and even yourself. But to experience real love, the kind that awakens your purpose and makes life beautiful, you must open up.
You must open your mind to BELIEVING in love.
And you must OPEN YOUR HEART.
In this material world we are taught without remorse that all love dies, that the One is a fiction, and that it’s all mercilessly about sex and chaos, Amen.
Other wildly popular blogger Victor Pride suggests that love is a fiction:
Soulmates and true love is an invention of the movies and sold to the gullible masses.
While I agree that the concept of a “soulmate” is rather fabricated, the men leading social movements these days seem to all be of a mind that love is not real or desirable, and that men’s first prerogative is to sex women. They call it “hookup culture” for a reason.
It’s as if love is a weakness.
Love is not weakness
Love is strength.
Everyone else and their dog is afraid of love, they are incapable of it or else they let it destroy them.
It takes real strength to fully immerse yourself in love and then run with it.
To be vulnerable is to be invulnerable.
When you are vulnerable, when you are honest, when you fully express your feelings and intentions and let yourself surrender, then you become invincible. No one can hurt you when you have nothing to hide. When you are fully what you are, and you communicate that, then nothing can stand in your way.
When you honestly communicate to others and they reject you, it’s harder to give a fuck. And when you are honest, you are that much closer to finding a person who matches your values.
You may do crazy things, things that look absurd from the outside, and one day in nostalgia you will be tempted to look back and wonder where your outlandish actions came from. You probably have wild memories from your youth or even in recent memory and blame them on “hormones” or some other nonsense.
But there is a simple explanation: in the moment you were in love.
And when you are in love, everything makes sense. Because love is stronger than any force, even sex or fear.
We’ve been bombarded in our Hollywood movies with absurd follies and tales of the world that don’t really work. I know, movies are fiction. I hate most movies and I rarely bother to watch them.
But I am here to tell you that love is a real thing. It really exists. Real love, such that you want to grip that person and never let go. You feel comfortable, “right” with that person. You can be yourself.
You may fear their loss and you may fear intimacy, but intimacy is what you crave the most.
In this world we are being taught to relent our heart and soul to the devil of merciless nihilism, and while it’s true that life may have no meaning, you can find your own meaning in love.
Love reveals the light where there was only darkness. It may not be enough, but without it you will only be miserable.
How to fall in love
It’s not hard to fall. But it can be frightening because we experience a loss of control.
No longer is our hard ego at the forefront of our goal-oriented decisions.
Instead we are faced with powerful emotions and intuitions. The one we love becomes a focus, it perhaps even overrides our priorities.
Off into the world we go
Planning futures, shaping years
Love bursts in, and suddenly
All our wisdom disappears
Love changes everything because it is what we are really looking for, beyond the senseless grind of achievement and money that compels our ego.
There was a while where I hardened my heart. I embraced the ego and told myself love was not a real thing. You can even see that on the earlier posts on this website. I was living in Hell, torn between my true desire for real intimacy and the games I was playing for sex.
We are all gripped by our psychosexual conflict, but for those few who have a heart, that will never be enough.
For me it was never enough. It is NOT enough.
The sex and the games were not satisfying me on the deeper level that I needed.
I used to want to destroy my heart. I wrote an aggressive song about it, wild with anger. I pounded it out on my piano and it was the TRUTH to me at that time. Here are some of the lyrics (copyright by me, faggots):
I like this new direction
I’ve never felt this way before
I’ll never fall in love again
And if I do you can be sure
I’ll never let it get in the way
Of my desire!
Gonna take what I want from you
Make you feel my fire!
To win the game
You’ve got to play
The weaker man will never
Have his day
We’re livin’ in
A world of sin
I’m tired of losin’ time to
Jump right in
This was back in a time where I was obsessed with sex and I was, in my anger and ruthlessness, denying myself the very thing in my heart that I wanted more than anything.
It made me feel powerful. The SACRIFICE made me feel superior.
The idea of conquesting an army of women and throwing them mercilessly aside drove me on, because I was unwilling to come to grief with the mountain of heartbreak and lost love I had experienced in my life.
I’ve had a plethora of romances and even broken hearts myself, but for whatever reason I slowly threw away my heart’s strongest desire–for love–and pretended like it was “for girls.” I pretended it wasn’t real.
Slowly, all of my dreams and fantasies went away. I no longer wished for what I really needed, instead I dreamt about sex or approaching women. I went through years of doing nothing but talking to women, it was my priority in life.
There was a period of time where I did nothing but went out every day for hours and hours on end and talked to women. Once I got a job I did this in my spare time, and did my best to pursue women where I worked.
I went through this grind and I learned much. I was a volatile, high-energy man. My testosterone was at an all-time high. I couldn’t sleep at night because I was sexually manic.
One day I found another woman that consisted in an on-off relationship for over a year. During that tumultuous period I denied myself loving her, and it drove us both mad.
The games we played were amusing, but in the end were not satisfying.
We both moved, and I once told her I loved her. And it wasn’t until recently that I realized I did love her.
I loved our wild sex, too, of course. We’d fuck for hours a day, multiple times, and drive ourselves to peak simultaneous orgasms. But though I hated her I wanted to give her my love as well.
Instead we both got fed up and parted, following a ridiculous incident.
It wouldn’t be until I met another woman that came into my life and showed me love like I’d never experienced.
I doubted myself for a while. I thought that Jess was the best I could get. Absurd! But she would drive an hour to meet me, beg me for sex, feed me, lavish money on me. And by the world’s standards I was nothing to appreciate, though I was, as she said, “Good looking, even though that’s all you have going for you.”
But then the women came in. They appreciated me as Jess did. The sex, the games, I could tell they were feeble and I saw right through my act. And I finally decided I could not hide anymore.
After opening my heart, I was heartbroken, but I did not stop. I let myself continue looking for love, instead of sex, feeling a little hopeless as I did so.
And what happened?
I found love. And I found that because I was being honest, finally, with what I wanted so desperately. So it was coming to me.
The promiscuous sex wasn’t coming, because I knew all along it wasn’t what I wanted.
As men we are programmed for casual sex, but that means nothing. For a long time I have not cared about the “game,” the silly numbers game of animalistic fucking.
Because every time I have gone out to play that game for sex, I have found love instead.
You get what you need, and I must admit finally that what I thought I wanted–sleeping around and being a player–is not what I REALLY want, or even what I NEED.
Lately I can recall how it was as a child–sex was of interest to me, but primarily I was interested in falling in love. And by that I mean the mutual, enveloping tension between me and another person.
I would fantasize, dream, and project onto reality these desires. It drove me crazy in high school. I fell hard for many women and I thought maybe I had a real problem. I felt like the world’s biggest loser.
But the solution was NEVER to forego love and become some sex-addicted fiend who used women and had a big hole in his heart.
How can I express to you how badly that game is not satisfying, despite it being all I ever wanted and what I got good at for so many years?
The REAL solution was not running. The real solution was…
Women want a man who is honest. Honest with himself, with his desires. They want a REAL person, and you cannot be real if you are hiding behind a wall of sexual inauthenticity, or building your own wall of egotistical heartlessness.
I am not heartless, I have a stronger heart than anyone. And I have finally realized that my alleged weakness is actually one of my greatest strengths.
Having a powerful heart is a greater weapon than sex, because love is the most powerful force there is.
I denied it for a while. I used anger, horniness, rage as my tools. They are fuel, and you should use them. Don’t get me wrong.
But nothing compares to love, whether it is romantic or passionate or just the kind of love where you cannot bear to lose someone.
When you love someone, you will forego your entire trip to New York City and all the hot broads there and the chance to sleep around because the woman you love calls you and can’t bear to be without you and wants to die without you, and though you know it’s silly you feel a sense of purpose in coming back for her like never before.
I went back, and though I regretted it, it was far more satisfying than living an empty life without her.
So here is my advice:
Play the “game,” by all means. Talk to women. But know what you are looking for. And be honest about that.
And don’t deny your heart’s greatest desire.
Do not throw away your childhood dreams as fantasy.
These days it is popular to preach about doing what you love.
Why does no one preach about falling in love?
Are your dreams about being an actor, or singer, or carpenter, or president or astronaut any different or less meaningful than your childhood dreams about finding a woman to complete you?
Do not be ashamed. Do not be embarassed.
Your love is one of your greatest strengths, if only you would stop denying it.
You can see it in the warm gazes of all around you when you hold hands with the woman you’re in love with. you can feel it in the way time dissipates, irrelevant. In the way that you just want to spend time with her, even to your mutual detriment.
I pity the emotional deficit of those who don’t want “emotional entanglements” or “don’t have time” or “aren’t ready” for a “relationship.”
Without love, you are just playing games.
It is true that in falling in love or seeking it, you will drive away women in the process. But you must understand that not every woman is willing to “get down,” and of those who are, perhaps they cannot attend to your further needs.
To stop playing games, and find love, you must open your heart.
YOU MUST TAKE A RISK.
As men, we are all about taking risks, right? And yet everywhere, in this millenial hell, we are being taught to stop falling love and to stop having “one-itis” and to always be hooking, stringing women along.
If you have to play games to keep women, then perhaps it is NOT the women that are at fault.
Perhaps that is YOUR problem.
You can run from love, but can it run from you? Perhaps it is just time to TAKE THE RISK, and…
Fall in love.