I had an epiphany the other day that was a long time coming.
for as long as ive been trying my ass off to reach the reality i built in my heart, that reality is now based on a lie.
every movie that has inpsired me is distinctly in the 80s or before. there is no movie i am inspired by or remember after the 80s. the only one i can think of is Tron: Legacy, and thats because it had fucked up cool visuals and the leading man was actually masculine and not a total pussy. but thats it.
ive come to face the facts now that living as a man in today’s society has inherent risks and it is no longer possible to be worshipped or respected as a man.
i used to have this idea that becoming a guy who fucked hot women would earn me respect and awe and super high status. i was right and wrong.
i was right in that it was a worthy goal to aspire to, and that decades ago this would have been true.
but now, as of 2015, and the era 80s+, masculinity is demonized. i didnt want to admit it because i didnt want to be like one of these many timewasters on the net complaining about how feminism has shot this country to hell and how American women suck and how men are being discriminated against.
but i have my own personal history to prove it, and so i must accept this to be true.
ive been banned from gyms just for talking to girls. girls have flipped out and freakd just for me asking them for a their number. i got the cops called on me just or talking to a girl on the street, because she “thought i was going to touch her” and she started crying.
i get called “creepy” for talking to girls and its obvious that im a goodlooking man.
recently my T levels have gone way up for various reasons i wont disclose. guess what has also gone up?
the number of people who hate me.
i get way more complaints at my server job, 90% of them from women, who for no reason or another just think i have a bad “attitude” even though i am nice and respectful and run my fuckin’ ass off serving them.
i think of myself as one of the best and most effective servers the place has, and my boss even said that. but it can’t be denied that i am also a high-risk libido machine, and i’ve had women openly tell me to “take the stick out of my ass.”
i will not lower my testosterone and start being all nice and shit because you don’t like me.
these women fucked with me for walking tall. they said “why do you walk like youre buff?”
i looked that bitch flat in the eye and said, “i AM buff.” and its the 100% truth. i offered to take my shirt off and she could follow me into the bathroom.
if i get fired it will be for having testosterone, and not because im a bad server. people stare at me just for being present. all the time.
wherever i am people look at me as a threat. because i AM.
i love being a threat, i just dont like being discriminated against. once upon a time an alpha would be respected and such. but now alphas are actively hated everywhere, because 90% of the population is full of faggots.
remember: i do NOT wnat to perpuate more “group theory,” [link], i.e. spout what other men are saying just because theyre saying it.
i honestly have come to my own conclusions here based on my own experience. ive been attacked enough by people to know that they hate me just for existing, just for being what i am.
while i got tired for a while of the evil looks and staring and negativity toward me, im at a point where ive decided it probably doesnt matter. the worst that can happen is i have to pick up and leave and find somewhere else. thats ok. ive done that plenty.
im not scared of a fight at all, in fact im openly seeking fights. i WISH somebody had the balls (other than a bitchy woman) to come up to me, face to face, and actually start shit. but nobody ever does.
its just jealous betas who say something behind my back. and thats the extent of it. nobody fucks with me, and i actually am sad about that.
INSTEAD they go behind my back, run to “authority” figures, and have me ostracized for being what they aren’t.
its the unfortunate effect of a PC, progressive, fucking HORRIBLE society where people cant even criticize one another without retribution.
just try giving anybody ANY sort of criticism, no matter how useful or “positive,” and watch the pariah peranas jump all over you and destroy you.
good luck in this society where fat women are called “beautiful” and lazy faggot shitheads all seek a magic pill for their problems.
i guess im finally done trying to make this society into something it isnt.
ill still be banging hot broads: dont get me wrong.
but ive given up trying to earn status from it or trying to make people like me or trying to earn their respect.
there can be no respect from what are effectively mindless fat robots everywhere. why would i even care?
in a society where i feel like im talking to rocks everywhere i go, i suppose its time to let go of my identity as a “cool” guy. let people hate me. let them shit on me. i dont care.
im done with the external validation because it doesnt get me what i want but more importantly it requires being what im not, and id rather be a real man with testosterone that treats women as women than not.
its all about me, not about them.