What it’s like to love a borderline

loving a borderline tornado

Borderlines are the classic psychos.

They’re the ones who call 50 times in one night, come over unannounced, spin into a fiery rage over nothing, and key your car and call the police when they’re done with you.

Unless they love you, that is.

Borderline personality disorder is a real thing, but underlying it all is fear. It’s paralyzing fear of abandonment, and so they abandon their identity. They need something to latch, to cling on to. Without it they cannot make up for their abusive past and what damage was done to them as a child.

But loving a borderline is only for Men.

It takes a real man, not a wimp to withstand her. Because she will test you. And I do not just mean “shit test.” I mean that she will try your patience, your ego, your principles, your time, and your boundaries.

She is a fucking vampire.

Loving a borderline can and will change you because you must be able to take her constant hurled insults and judgments. You must learn to set strong and proper boundaries and you must learn to walk away when she exceeds them.

You will also learn that no amount of reason or logic can persuade them, and so you must learn new tactics and methods of manipulation to get what you want or teach them what is acceptable.

You must be prepared for an excessive amount of drama and you must learn to deal with it like a man, not a little child.

That is what borderlines really are.

They are still children, unable to cope with the immensity of what was done to them or what they lacked growing up.

Over time you will have to learn to be angry, to scream at them, to tell them what to do. But you must also learn patience.

The greatest gift she gave me was true patience. Many times I flew off the handle into a great rage, or walked away. But Patience of the kind that allows you to love them without ego is what is necessary.

To get a borderline to trust you takes time. It also takes patience but also great risk and balls.

Borderlines can and will tear you apart if you are a weak or even moderately strong person. Only an extremely strong person who boldly and madly adheres to boundaries is going to survive a borderline.

Most “red pill” men deal with some level of borderline behavior that drives them to adopt a new philosophy with women, but most of them are victims. This is why women chew them up and spit them out; most men are not capable or adept or even strong people in general, and so to handle such an emotional trainwreck as a borderline is going to be either a headache or a hearty challenge.

Probably both!

Now one will have to ask: why bother?

And for that I will have to tell you the blunt truth:

You will be forced to love her, or else you will never learn the lessons she can teach you.

I could be accused of being a “co-dependent” but this is really just the natural solution to a woman who acts like a child.

The main thing you will have to understand about her is that she does not know best and will often lead you astray. Her emotions often run counter to the right thing to do. You will almost always know better than her.

There will be many times where your gut will tell you one thing, but her childlike glee will compel you to follow her ridiculous whims. And sometimes it will be fun. Sometimes it will end up being a huge mistake.

A borderline is a great way to prepare you for having children–or turn you off of them completely. It is also a powerful chance to learn how to be a real man, how to handle all the weaker people around you, and to really be a leader.

If you never really could believe in yourself as a leader, you will have to with a borderline or perish.

Because they often have a habit of leaving, abusing, or shitting on men who cannot maintain proper strength in the midst of their storm.

Just being honest and upfront or “alpha” is not enough. You will have to be prepared for all manner of relentless self-conscious quips, emotional outbursts, insults, and manipulations. And you will have to learn to utitilize your masculine rage and anger and be uninhibited, as well as maintain strong boundaries and learn to give commands.

There were times where even I was weak enough with the borderline that she tried to drive me away, or almost cheated. I then decided that I could not be an “equal” and could not meet her at my level. I would have to become an all-commanding controlling asshole, and so that is what I did.

And she fell even harder for me.

It was either that or lose her, but I could not. And so I rose to the challenge, and became a proper man, unyielding and unafraid of putting myself in charge.

Much of loving a borderline is less of being a lover and more of being a father.

And a strong, powerful father at that. One who is not very friendly and who will not tolerate stupidity.

At the end of the day borderlines are not for everyone, because most men just are not capable of handling them. Many playboys are just that–boys who don’t know how to “deal with crazy.”

Perhaps it does require some modicum of crazy yourself.

And truly, I say to you, that it does not last. If you are going to live a happy and fulfilling life, you cannot do it with these women.

They are a shell of their real selves. They cannot experience true intimacy or empathy.

When you stare at your lover there should be a sense of warmth and understanding.

But when you stare at a borderline, she’ll probably just flip out.

For whatever reason, borderline women are broken and cannot be fixed by you or anyone. They can be trained into submission, but can you love one?

And can you SURVIVE?

Chances are you will stray, especially after experiencing her rage and betrayals. Take my advice, and don’t get sucked in. It will take you a long time to realize the truth:

That she is a narcissist, incapable of giving you what so desperately desire and crave. She cannot love, and therefore cannot receive it.

And you will be left forever unsatisfied.

Until you leave.

Borderlines can be broken

borderline women can be broken

Despite the notion that borderline women are forever broken and cannot be fixed, they can in fact be trained.

But it takes a hard man, not a victim.

Rather than be some pussy who “swallows the red pill” and believes he is a victim forced to be a forever asshole to women, a real man does, in fact, ENJOY being a real man, and is appropriately demanding and selfish not because he must be, but because that is who he really is.

This is the primary difference between alphas and all other men.

REAL so-called “alpha males” don’t actually give a fuck. They don’t take it seriously.

They understand this is a “predatory universe,” at least to some degree.

They don’t just “give themselves permission” to be bad, they LOVE being bad and are ok with being bad.

And they get away with it because on some level, women understand that this is a how a Man behaves. It doesn’t have to be right or make sense.

So when you are a total asshole, by which I mean you are selfish and have no inhibitions (not that you are necessarily actively cruel), then the women will respond.

Borderline women can be easily broken if you adhere to the principles of being an alpha.

But you have to stick by them. No, more importantly you must ASPIRE to them.

When you truly enjoy walking away or bossing your woman around or sticking up for yourself, then you will realize it was the real you all along.

You just were taught that it was ugly and sleazy all your life.

Well, it is. But that’s ok. You don’t answer to any god or daddy or mommy and especially not your girlfriend.

The reason so many men get eaten alive by borderline and other psycho women is because, quite simply, they aren’t strong enough.

They are not prepared, and they are not tough enough.

That’s it. There is no blunter way to say it. It’s survival of the fittest, but it’s also who can adapt.

And when I adapted, it worked.

I’ve been through it all–the episodes, the police threats (multiple times every night), the broken glass, the grappling, the obsessive need.

And I’ve been through a lot more of it than a lot of you guys, and I don’t even mind it.

It’s the nature of women, or at least most crazy women that America breeds these days, and you just gotta get over it.

But more than that, you’ve got to be a real man.

That means you don’t whine or bitch or act like mommy is trying to spank you. She can’t hurt you.

Her threats mean nothing. They are jokes to be laughed at.

Her assaults never hurt. You are bigger and stronger. Just shove her and show her who’s boss.

Her verbal attacks are always projection. She is the worst of everything she tries to say about you.

When you finally understand that you are a ROCK, and she or nobody can’t give you any shit, then you’ll understand how to “deal” with borderline women. And other crazies.

In fact, you’ll learn how to deal with ALL people, man or woman.

I’ve never had a problem crazy women. Honest to god.

I think some of you need to put your money where you mouth is and practice those…um…”dark triad traits” as you call it. They ain’t something you fake. It’s not a technique. It’s who you are.

Even the craziest women can be bent over and submitted to their man. And they will love you for it.

Even if they turn on you every single day. Even if they rage. Even if they claim that they hate you. Even if they refuse to verbalize their love…

They can still love you. And you can still love them.

It is more than possible…

But you’ve got to be a fuckin’ man.

Walking on eggshells: Women with Borderline Personality Disorder

I am the last person to believe in traditional scientific labels or disorders.

Why?

Because I beat of all my mine.

They are classed as “disorders” and that means exactly that. They are not diseases. They are not permanent

They are literally misalignments of the natural order of the mind that manifests in real brain changes.

That is why bipolars need medicine. Once the brain has re-ordered itself, lots of help will be necessary to realign it.

But in my personal experience, the brain CAN be re-aligned. Lengthy research about the topic has been done under the name of “neuroplasticity.”

Take more risks, and your testosterone levels will increase, for example.

Ultimately, however, this can ONLY be done by the individual.

No attempt at intervention can ever help someone with a mental disorder. I know from personal experience with MYSELF, and from women with disorders I’ve been in relationships with.

Don’t save her

She don’t wanna be saved.

It’s true. You can’t fix them.

BUT, if the onus is on you to TRY, and at least help them along–OR if you are sleeping with a BPD, and you want to identify her or learn how to deal with her, then read on.

Early red flags

Broken women have red flags.

They show them early and they are OBVIOUS.

It’s just that you as a man fully intend to stay with her until things get REALLY BAD, half-seriously entertaining that this chick could turn out to be a real psycho, but probably won’t.

Let me tell you: you are usually right.

If the chick is probably a psycho, the chick is probably a psycho.

Trust those early red flags:

She screams at her mother on the phone, about all the hurt and embarassment she causes her, and how she’s abusing her, and when you see the girl’s phone she’s sent multiple unanswered lengthy texts to her mother, who allegedly is her abuser?

Trust me, it’s only a matter of time before she turns that behavior on you.

Or did you think you were special?

BPDs have the ability to make you feel so special….until they turn on you.

Trust me, she will.

She has a boundary problem. She doesn’t have the ability to regulate her emotions or thoughts. She has no filter. She has no real control or discipline.

All of the smart guys on the web recommend treating her with aloof amusement, and this is the ONLY way to deal with her after a while because you will practically be FORCED to once you understand that she is a psycho without much of an identity of her own.

You cannot speak to a rock, and you cannot argue with a BPD woman.

You cannot reason or explain sense into her, or at least you’ll only be able to before she “turns” again and goes back to hating you and trying to throw you out or calling the police or whatever possible avenue she can use to make things worse.

BPD women are at the mercy of the worst kind of human manipulation: they have no boundaries, meaning that anything is fair game.

She can and will, EVENTUALLY, use every weapon at her disposal, whether that is threats, insults, commands, fucking with your property, eating your food, blaming you for her problems (even when she tells you it’s not your fault just yesterday) , crying during sex, ignoring you, blowing up your phone, going on impulsive trips, or telling you that your dick is small and that she never enjoyed your sex.

Yet she sticks around.

One moment, you’re a “wonderful man” to her. Then the next you’re a “cockroach” and an “asshole.”

It’s not worth following. It’s raw emotion, and you’re better off not believing a word of it.

Crazy behaviors

BPDs are not the type to self-harm. That’s bipolars (which I have ample experience dealing with). They are also not the type to have manic swings or get really horny. In fact, BPDs suffer from high stress and anger and depression.

High stress hampers your ability to think and/or function. When you are so stressed that you make U-turns in your mind and can’t effectively get anything done.

BPDs are already suffering from this kind of inability to function, so with added stress and drama they lose their minds.

Although it may not seem like it at first, this is the kind of psycho woman who will call the police on you. If you’re a bitch, you’re screwed.

But deep down, what you need to remember above ALL is that nothing she says or does is real, as it is with most women.

She is just a scared and abused child, and had poor caretakers long ago.

You can’t take any of her dumb threats or behaviors seriously.

But, by that same token, neither you can you trust her promises.

You cannot trust her to do as she says or come through for you. Instead, you must expect she will constantly lash out at you, the man she loves, and this is why it’s important to watch out for early warning signs and make a decision.

The decision:

This BPD woman will make an excellent trial ground for how much of a man you think you are.

I was lucky in that I got involved with one when I was already strong, but I can see how a lesser man would get chewed up and swallowed or spitted out and maybe end up in jail.

You see, this is the psycho who will hit you and call the cops. This is the nightmare you’ve heard about, or read about.

You just won’t even know it at first.

But for a man like myself, her bullshit does not faze me. I see through her empty threats and I do not ever give in.

This alpha stoicism is worthy to aspire to in general, for yourself and with all women, but doubly so it is important for dealing with BPD women.

Remember, this is the very psycho men talk about that will try to get you thrown in jail, unless you are strong and take steps to prevent it.

Prevention

Remember that I speak in the context of long-term relationships, not one-night stands.

If you are dealing with a BPD for one night, you probably won’t know it and all you can do is ensure you keep her texts as evidence that you had sex with her willingly.

First and foremost, as soon as you see she is a psycho, stop taking her so seriously.

She will lie, project, and go to all lengths to avoid responsibility. She is mentally ill.

As soon as she crosses the line into crazy territory, begin recording any heated interactions with your cell phone. Never tell her this and keep it on you at all times. Put passwords on all your devices.

Next, if you MUST live with her, have her sign a lengthy legal document that gives you all the power to move out and for her not to fuck with her property and establish that you are paying rent, so that she can NEVER kick you out or throw your stuff out on the curb.

Third, COMPLETELY ignore her when she threatens to call the cops. Act entirely unaffected, since you know it is just a ruse.

The ONLY way she will actually do this is if you show fear and think that this is not a ruse.

Prepare for physical violence. ESPECIALLY if she catches you cheating or you really piss her off somehow.

Whatever you do, don’t hit her and be a strong man. If she actually abuses you, she’s a stupid cunt and you can go ahead and call the police (don’t tell her you are doing it, just DO IT) and then when they show off you can show them your black eye and get her carted off to jail.

She actually CRAVES to be hit by you, to be abused like she was when she was younger (perhaps by her father) but don’t give in to her blatant provocations unless you are sure the moment is right and you can dominate her.

If you hit her and cannot dominate her, she will hit you back or call the cops and continue to be angry with you. You must never hit a woman unless you have the upper hand psychologically and emotionally.

Remember what she wants from you

Remember that deep down she needs you to make up for the void in her life caused by all of her previous failed relationships and abusers. Decide whether you want to get involved in her emotional prison. It can be good at times, awful at others.

At the end of the day, either you will leave the BPD or she will leave you. I have had both experiences, but “luckily” for me she always came back.

Unfortunately, as much as you may love your borderline girl, who is probably hot, and who acts like a sweet little 5-year-old, she is a parasite.

She is a vampire. And you’ve got to let the right one in.

She will destroy you or at least hinder you in the end, no matter how long you can survive. You cannot build a relationship with a girl who cannot take care of herself. It does not make you a man to spend more money on her, or fix her problems.

Get rid of your pity, and realize this is not real love.

Real love can only come from true empathy and intimacy, something she lacks. And something you are likely craving if you’ve spent too much time sucked in by a borderline. You don’t even realize it’s missing.

Don’t get me wrong–borderlines can be tamed–but will you ever truly love a broken victim?

Perhaps, like me, you’ll have to learn the hard way.

_____________________________

P.S. If you want a book on how to get rid of a borderline from your life written by a really excellent expert on the subject, Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, then check out Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life.

Also, for lots of free and useful info, check out her blog Shrink 4 Men.

Falling in love with the vampire

You’ve got to let the right one in.

But what happens when you find, looking back, that the only one for you was the wrong one?

So eternally intimately distant, unable to be what you want.

Because the vamp is a predator, and after it drinks your blood the only thing it can give you is the ability to make you exactly like itself.

You will toil at redemption.

You will lead it along, slowly, onto another path.

But at heart the beast is still a beast. Because it has been that way its whole life, with nothing to guide it but fear.

It came into the world knowing only fear, and then it was attacked and left for dead.

When it awoke again, it knew only its hunger. No mentor or parent was there to show it the way. So it went off the only model it knew.

borderline personality vampire photo

Each time you let it in the window–or, god forbid, return to its dark embrace–there is a deception.

While you think you are reviving its soul, the vampire is in fact slowly taking more and more blood each time. Because that is its way. It doesn’t even know what it has done until one day it is too late.

And you let that vampire in because, as strong as you are, you identified with its fear.

But the longer you served, the more you craved. To handle the vampire was a worthy task, ypu thought. Somehow, you reached a point where you became so numb to the vampire’s debased and vile machinations, its unintended sadism, that you began to crave the rare moments of awakened understanding.

And the longer you waited for change, the more the hungry vampire eagerly revealed its ugly self to you. It was overjoyed to show you its nature and terrified you would leave when you saw it.

When you stuck around, hoping to save it, you didn’t realize that one day the vampire would turn on you, too. Because that is its nature.

With a delighted grin, it was waiting to absorb and consume you as an extension of itself.

To bask in its wonder! Just one moment of its unholy sensuality. A true gift.

And in return? Your blood.

But it wasn’t ready. One day, it took too much, and you’re dead on the floor.

It cocks its head, wondering why you won’t eat.

Wondering why you are just laying there, dead.

Not understanding, it pokes and prods at you, unable to comprehend what has happened.

It thought it was going to suck on your blood forever, all the while learning what you wanted to teach it.

But it made a mistake.

It kept you alive all this time only to extend its own pleasure. It only knew how to take care of you as much as was necessary for it to keep feeding.

You’re dead on the floor. The vampire is a parasite, not a symbiote. It had nothing to give but death.

And perhaps you will awake again, an empty soul. You will have been attacked and abused and know nothing but fear.

You will know nothing but hunger. And then you will follow the only model you know….