Today I failed.
I saw this really cute girl in the gym and even though she wasn’t stellar I wanted her.
I waltzed in and before I even saw her I sensed it was a chick. And, sure enough, there she was against the wall. I kept walking and planned to talk to her once I got going.
That was my first mistake.
Over the course of 15 minutes I tried my damndest to get eye contact but she wasn’t really giving it to me. I glared at her eventually, leered at her, trying to get some reaction. I got pissed off.
Then, wouldn’t you know it, she walks up to some dude on the treadmill and starts talking to him. I could tell by the way they talked that they were just friends. But she approached him.
She did NOT approach me.
Here I am, fucking alpha male who could give her the greatest sex of her entire life, and she approaches this faggot on the treadmill.
Am I even a man?
Eventually the gym was closing and I had to leave. They just kept talking. I could have barged in on their conversation.
Come to think of it, that’s exactly what I should have done. The strong take what they want, and I am stronger than him. Therefore I deserved her more than him. But only if I had the action to back that attitude up.
What’s even worse is that I passed two girls on my bike getting to the gym and just said “Hi” to them both but I didn’t feel like I got “good” eye contact from them. In fact they seemed sorta weirded out.
So to lose this girl that I REALLY wanted by making the third mistake in a row…the same goddamn mistake…
I feel like such a loser. I feel like less than a man.
Just now: you can see the look of failure on my face
To stay up every night for hours on end dreaming and burning and yearning to meet new girls, to supercede the girlfriend that doesn’t meet my standards, to long for what I never had.
It eats away at my SOUL and it drives me insane. Literally, I’ve gone insane before. Laughing out loud in the middle of the night for no reason, crying in the middle of the street. My mom kept asking me what was wrong every night. It was the FRUSTRATION.
The unending nightmare, the unending longing for what I want that continually evades me. It haunts me daily and now I am at a point where I can’t even emotionally connect with my girlfriend anymore because my mind is so far away, wishing for what I really want.
This pain is exactly why I no longer listen to anybody who tries to tell me what to do. They couldn’t possibly understand.
The average losers call it “meaningless sex” and I say YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IS MEANINGLESS. WHAT ABOUT YOUR MEANINGLESS JOB, YOUR MEANINGLESS BURGER KING, YOUR MEANINGLESS SHOES AND YOUR MEANINGLESS FRIENDS?
Nothing is “meaningless.” Everything is.
LET NO ONE TELL YOU WHAT IS MEANINGFUL.
You decide what’s meaningful for you. Actually, it’s not even a fucking choice.
It chooses you, and it keeps you awake at night.
To stay up all night and then fuck up THREE TIMES over the SAME EXACT THING. FUCK EYE CONTACT.
I AM NEVER WAITING AGAIN.
From now on I’m not even going to hesitate to approach any girl I want as soon as I see her. Fuck the consequences.
It’s almost like my little “revenge” against women for not giving me enough eye contact.
Get eye contact first? No, just go for it.
EVERY YEAR THIS HAPPENS. On and off. On and off, month after month, hitting on girls and then stopping because something “bad happens.”
Last time I hit on every girl I pleased I got banned from a whole gym. It’s no wonder I’m scared to even talk to a girl now in the gym.
What really irks me is that not ONCE in that old gym did I even get too aggressive or sexual. I think the most assertive thing I said was, “I think you’re cute” and “You have a husband?”
And I STILL got banned. No words, no explanations. The police just showed up and said I was being denied business here. They actually thought the whole thing was silly and they didn’t understand why I was being kicked out either. They were super-supportive and that was the beginning of the end of my distrust of cops.
I no longer dislike police, or even authority.
I dislike the System.
There is something very wrong in a world where I can talk to a girl, have her say she has a husband, politely tell her to have a nice day, and then as I’m walking away have some beta faggot ask her, “Are you all right?”
“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!”
She’s a big girl. She can handle herself. OH NO. DID SHE GET TOO UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH HER?
Yesterday in a Taco Bell some fat disgusting bitch–grossly obese–kept staring at me. After a while I got pretty uncomfortable. But did I call the police? No.
This is part of the obstacles that keep me constantly climbing uphill.
My girlfriend confronted me not too long ago and told me she knew I’d been trying to see other girls the entire time we were together.
I demanded evidence, of course, and she had none, of course. But she was right, of course. I had been trying to fuck new girls ever since we’d started.
A whole year of doing nothing but trying to replace my girlfriend. And what do I have to show for it?
…there was that one time I lost my virginity to a high schooler and gave her multiple orgasms, i guess…
…or that time I picked up the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life and she begged me to come over to her party…
…oh, and that one time a new girl paid for a hotel just so I could fuck her…
But still, my prime goal eludes me. I wish I could devote all my time and energy to it, but I am stuck. Even if I went out every day for hours on end like I did several times in my past, there just wouldn’t be enough girls.
It staggers me how many women I’ve had to hit on just to find some girls who want me. Every Jane around here seems to have a HUSBAND, let alone a boyfriend.
There is no two ways about it.
I am in the situation I am in, and there are two things I can do:
1.) Give this up and settle
2.) Forget eye contact or approach signals or smiles and just approach EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I WANT, like a real man, until I start getting more women.
Flip a coin.
Big surprise which option I’m going to pick.