Falling in love with the vampire

You’ve got to let the right one in.

But what happens when you find, looking back, that the only one for you was the wrong one?

So eternally intimately distant, unable to be what you want.

Because the vamp is a predator, and after it drinks your blood the only thing it can give you is the ability to make you exactly like itself.

You will toil at redemption.

You will lead it along, slowly, onto another path.

But at heart the beast is still a beast. Because it has been that way its whole life, with nothing to guide it but fear.

It came into the world knowing only fear, and then it was attacked and left for dead.

When it awoke again, it knew only its hunger. No mentor or parent was there to show it the way. So it went off the only model it knew.

borderline personality vampire photo

Each time you let it in the window–or, god forbid, return to its dark embrace–there is a deception.

While you think you are reviving its soul, the vampire is in fact slowly taking more and more blood each time. Because that is its way. It doesn’t even know what it has done until one day it is too late.

And you let that vampire in because, as strong as you are, you identified with its fear.

But the longer you served, the more you craved. To handle the vampire was a worthy task, ypu thought. Somehow, you reached a point where you became so numb to the vampire’s debased and vile machinations, its unintended sadism, that you began to crave the rare moments of awakened understanding.

And the longer you waited for change, the more the hungry vampire eagerly revealed its ugly self to you. It was overjoyed to show you its nature and terrified you would leave when you saw it.

When you stuck around, hoping to save it, you didn’t realize that one day the vampire would turn on you, too. Because that is its nature.

With a delighted grin, it was waiting to absorb and consume you as an extension of itself.

To bask in its wonder! Just one moment of its unholy sensuality. A true gift.

And in return? Your blood.

But it wasn’t ready. One day, it took too much, and you’re dead on the floor.

It cocks its head, wondering why you won’t eat.

Wondering why you are just laying there, dead.

Not understanding, it pokes and prods at you, unable to comprehend what has happened.

It thought it was going to suck on your blood forever, all the while learning what you wanted to teach it.

But it made a mistake.

It kept you alive all this time only to extend its own pleasure. It only knew how to take care of you as much as was necessary for it to keep feeding.

You’re dead on the floor. The vampire is a parasite, not a symbiote. It had nothing to give but death.

And perhaps you will awake again, an empty soul. You will have been attacked and abused and know nothing but fear.

You will know nothing but hunger. And then you will follow the only model you know….

How shallowness breeds ugliness

shallowness breeds ugliness pic

On the streets of Las Vegas, a cunning nobody was shouting out for people to watch his magic show.

“The best magic show in all of Vegas!” he repeatedly said, while giving me a knowing smile. That smile communicated it all: the irony, the pain.

He wanted two people to start the show, but they all walked by, oblivious. Or without courage.

Knowing myself, I stepped right up and began the show. We chatted a bit and I felt I knew him on a level deeper than the many tourists blithing by.

The show was good. I didn’t know how he did the tricks, and I was impressed if only because he had taken the time to perfect his act.

Suddenly more and more people congregated. Some left, but others came.

I was the catalyst for his show. And I left when someone handed him the first tip.

But what struck me was not my part in this. What hit home for me was when I was standing there, laughing and smiling, and I turned to the girl next to me.

She looked bored, weary even, though it was obvious she was being taken care of by a man. I laughed at her, and she made no effort back whatsoever. She walked away as if it was the most boring thing in the world.

And I’m sure she carried that boredom with her.

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Another man, another night. Another street.

My girlfriend is walking with me. I stop to admire the amazing plant-woven crosses a man is peddling. I have no intention of buying one, but it’s something to admire nonetheless.

My girl just keeps walking, making an active effort not to look in my direction.

I call out to her, and she feigns looking over. I walk up and say to her, “Hey, those crosses are cool. Check ’em out.”

She does not. She says, “I just didn’t want to talk to him.”

“Why not?” I asked, and she couldn’t give me an answer. She wanted me to come into the bar with her, right next to where we were standing.

I wished her good luck and walked away.

You see, I was appalled at her weak behavior.

Like the other woman, who only had dissatisfaction and contempt, an attitude of shallowness drains your soul and only breeds further dissatisfaction and ugliness.

I will make fun of a homeless person for pushing their shopping cart and declaring their failure to the world, but at the same time I recognize that they are still a person.

You cannot be pressured by others or buy into the pathetic shallowness that this culture attempts to breed.

They have tried to take the beauty, the sensuality, the sexuality out of everything. The love.

I am glad that the woman walked away from the cute little magic show. It wasn’t for her.

She can continue to “enjoy” being a parasite and having other people pay her way.

I will work for what I have, and continue to admire the work of others’, even if I don’t envy their station.

What about you? Are you are a parasite?

Or are you generating your own abundance?