The difference between the ego and what you want

Your ego is worthless. It will always get in the way of what you want.

The ego tells some folks to “impress others.” So they go out of their way to keep talking about themselves, or seek approval for their actions. They might buy an iPhone or a fancy car they never really wanted and regret it later when it turns out to be worthless.

Most of us are already familiar with this kind of ego-talk.

But there is an equally great sin on the other side of the same coin.

Many people have been told so often to “not impress other people” and that their ego actually gets in the way of what they really want to do. As a result they pretend to be apathetic, when deep inside they actually really care and are just screaming to express their real self.

The ego works BOTH ways–it is the voice of dogma. It is never helpful. You should always do what you REALLY want to do instead.

If you WANT to impress people–do it! You will have no regrets.

If you WANT to make someone like you–GO RIGHT AHEAD. DO YOUR BEST AND GIVE IT YOUR ALL. It will be a valuable test of your power.

Whatever you do–do what you WANT, and then give yourself wholeheartedly over to that decision without remorse. There is no right decision. There is no proper path. Only your GUT knows what you should do.

For most people this could be a crucial lesson. But now you should have one question on your mind. Go ahead and ask it.

“How do I remove the ego?”

Actually, that’s a bad question. You can’t just remove the ego.

There’s a better question you should be asking. What you should have asked is this:

“How do I tell the difference between my ego and what I want?”

Your gut. *points to chest* Your impulse, your instinct. It will always tell you IMMEDIATELY what you want.

Here is the difference, in black and white:

The gut will always try to talk you INTO what you want.

The ego will always try to talk you OUT of what you want.

That’s very important.

The ego will NEVER try to talk you INTO what you want–unless you tell it to. If you are procrastinating or standing around trying to talk yourself into doing something, then you know that in your gut you already want to do it. But your ego stopped you. You should never have to convince yourself to do something you already want to do. Your mind doesn’t need convincing. That’s because you wouldn’t take the time to try and convince yourself if it wasn’t important. So cut out the middleman. Just do it!

In the time you’ve wasted trying to talk yourself into or out of whatever-it-is, you could have been acting on your impulse and feeling like a conquering hero. Now you are just paralyzed in fear.

When your gut tells you to do something, you should do it. It is the right thing to do. It is your ego that will inhibit you and tell you moments later why you are hesitating.

Don’t overthink this. Invasive thoughts are not the gut. Random images of punching the person in front of you are usually not gut impulses. Especially if you don’t actually FEEL like doing it.

Gut impulses aren’t just things you WANT to do. They are things you HAVE to do.

You will feel like less of a man if you fail them.

In those moments of golden opportunity, you have to surrender.

It’s when you say “fuck this!” and surrender to what your gut is screaming at you to do. That’s how things get done.

Throw away the rationalization and just TAKE ACTION.

Throwing aside your ego and surrendering to your true desire is the difference between finishing up the last rep and then deciding you can’t do anymore and being quiet because there’s people watching…

…or throwing caution to the wind and fucking screaming as you overload your muscles into those last few reps that seem pointless, but you know you have to do them anyway.

It’s the difference between a half-assed job or a job well-done.

It’s the difference between sitting at home and pretending like her going out isn’t a problem and you have nothing to worry about…

Or seizing her, deleting all men’s numbers from her phone, and ordering her never to go out again. That’s what you REALLY want to do, isn’t it?

Are you really going after what you truly desire? Or are you just playing games with your ego?

One night I had the distinct feeling she was cheating on me. She said she was going out with another man, and I tried to convince myself to be “sexually non-judgmental.”

About 15 minutes later I screamed with rage, leapt out of my bed, punched the wall as hard as I could, and realized how much of a cowardly pussy I had been.

There was no way in fucking HELL I wanted her seeing other men. I wanted her to see ME.

And instead of waiting around for her to decide to come over, I ORDERED her to come over IMMEDIATELY and drop her previous engagements. It didn’t matter how “aloof” I thought I should be or how “non-judgmental” I ought to be. I no longer gave a fuck because I realized there was a burning desire in my heart to have her all to myself and see her NOW.

That’s what I REALLY wanted. And so I threw my chit-chattering ego aside, went berserk, and demanded she stop seeing other faggots and see me instead.

I failed that day, and I remember it still. It was the moment I awakened to my self-sabotage.

And from that day on I swore that I would never make that mistake again. From then on, I swore to control my woman in every respect and never let her do things I didn’t want her doing. Period.

There is no room for her desires, there is no room for altruism or what people claim on the internet. They can go ahead and pretend like they don’t care. But I cared.

And so the next time she went out and staid a bit too late, I knew. I just knew. I knew from her body language, the subtleties I can’t even remember. I knew from the way she held her phone a little too much against her side when she came home.

I demanded she give me her phone and I called up the guy and told him to stay away from her or I’d kill him.

After that day there were no more problems like that.

And in case you think this didn’t work, I’ll quote here the sentence she wrote down in her diary considering the event:

“Though at first I was reluctant to give him my phone, the way he ordered me was strangely arousing. I actually found his domineering sexy.”

The ego, the superego, the voices your head. Whatever you want to call them, fuck them. Get rid of them. They won’t help you.

What is REALLY required is a strict admittance of what you want, and then the ruthless action to take it.

There will be pain. People may deny you. There will be regret when you realize what you want too late. But it’s what you want.

And THAT is the only thing that fuels the fire.


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  1. Interesting way of seeing the ego. Many guys obsess about “being egoless” and end up psychologically castrating themselves.

    • Good point.

      Being “desireless” is not desirable. In this post the “ego” refers more to the “superego” or the morals/fears/conditioning that gets in the way of what we want. Just words, hitting at the concept beneath them

    • I’ve thought about this post from time to time, and I stand behind it 100% now. The ego can get in the way of your real needs and it always needs to be fed.

      It’s a lot more satisfying to get what you really want or need out of somebody or a situation without having your ego validated.

      This also then gives you the ability and strategy to take shit on purpose in order to get what you want–something that the vast majority of people are just unable to do.

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