The Haunting of the Soul

There is no soulmate out there for you.

No woman is as ideal as we conjure her in our nighttime heart-pangs and head-visualizations. No man is capable of understanding the depths of your vision, of the dreams that haunt you. They simmer beneath the surface and they beg to be released.

And some nights you unleash that inner darkness to enrage you.

This is our calling. It is the voice of the Rebel, buried beneath the surface. It is the life you’ve thought about every day, but have destroyed with self-doubt. You worry that your vision is an illusion, sent to mock you and make you suffer for every day of hell that you slog through as you struggle to remake this mortal world into a reality of your choosing.

What you fail to realize is that the real world is the illusion.

I know it from those dark days where the impossible happened. When my desires from long ago began to manifest. There was no surprise or shock involved, only the progression. I burned with desire for that reality and it began to come true.

Where once women treated me as the runt-boy, the shy and abused lost soul, I had become the bad-boy. Dark, menacing sexual energy emanated from my being and for reasons unexplainable all the women stared and smiled, and I knew what it was like to be a god among men.

To face this surreal reality is to ignore logic and reason and accept that the only real forces in this world are the intent and the will.

When you doubt or disbelieve or continually pursue negative thoughts, all of those thoughts will manifest physically. Somehow.

The “real world”

There is no real world. This is actually how the real world works:

Everything in your mind dumps itself onto physical reality and then there is a degree of randomness as you struggle to incorporate others’ viewpoints in the shared conglomerate of realities that we know as this dimension.

But don’t think you cannot influence people.

Even if some will not be swayed, you still hold indelible power over the reality you build. You just don’t realize that the problem is so simple, and so sinister:

The reason you currently struggle is because your mind is manifesting struggle, and thus your reality is carved out of mental stone.

Everything in your life right now is a direct reflection of your mind, and that hurts the ego to hear and it is unfortunate truth but now that you know you have the IMMEDIATE power to change things.

You attract the women you attract. It’s as simple as that. You attract things into your life based on your direct thoughts and actions.

If there are people bothering you, you are manifesting that. You are continuing to manifest their annoyances. If women elude you, you are manifesting their evasion.

That sounds pedantic but this basic tenet could change your life.

All you must do is take the vision that haunts you and surrender to its power. Believe in your self, believe in that power that you have to change your surroundings.

Believe even when it feels impossible and makes no sense.

Once I believed for no reason, life changed. I did not struggle. I did not “hold fast” to my belief. I was overconfident. I was stubborn. I reached a point where I honestly, truly believed everything was going to happen as I desired.

And things started happening that way.

I believed I had the total power to change my reality. And I did. It began to change, and changed.

But I lost that mentality somewhere along the way, because as things got tough I wanted reassurance of my path. I wanted approval.

I had made the cardinal sin: I had given up.

Given away my power, and thus all the things that were manifesting slowly died and withered as my mind shifted back to the intent of others.

As the dream got lost and buried, so did I.

Suppressing the soul

I “went with the flow again,” in a hopeless trance of depressive debauchery. I worked a shit job I hated and let the circumstances around me conspire towards my goals instead of actively manipulating events. I slept without seeing a need to wake and I wasted all those valuable daylight hours in a sleep without dreams, because it was dead sleep. My soul suffered and I paid the price.

You know your soul is suffering when you can no longer feel it.

TRUE soul suffering is not anger, or hatred, or haunting. True death of the soul is when it is covered up. Hidden away. You die inside because you cannot recall what reasons you had for living. You cannot remember what it was that shook you so much, those years ago, that you were ready to throw everything on the line for it. What were you fighting for? You can’t recall. It’s a struggle to recall.

The death of the soul is worse than the physical. Because this world is just an illusion, and your soul is all you will have left.

There is no soulmate because neither I, nor you, nor any woman or man can possibly “complete” you since your soul is unique and entirely your own creation. It was there long ago, you felt it. It nipped at you. And maybe now you still see vestiges of its presence, that nagging. Perhaps it calls to you in the wee hours, keeping you up at night. Keeping you angry.

Perhaps every further day you spend further from your goals, you feel this hopelessness building toward a crescendo in which you will either sink or soar. You will either decide to break free of this pathetic life and the people around you that you have grown too invested in and too attached to that you have forgotten, or you will give in to mediocrity and let your soul go completely.

You will wallow in nostalgia and forever hate the present, because you are failing to understand that you have the power to change things. But the soul eats away at you and you fear it because it haunts you.

But this is the dark truth:

The haunting of the soul is its purpose.

Do not shy away from those visions and dreams that torture you. For this torture is far better than to lose the soul entirely.

You struggle, and you complain that you suffer, but what you do not yet realize is that LIFE IS SUFFERING.

Suffering cannot be separated from life anymore than breathing. It is a part of what life IS. And by denying that, you are denying life. You are causing strife for yourself because you are not embracing the only thing there is to embrace in this world.

Learn to love suffering, and the world is at your command.

I do not fear failure. I do not fear death.  I do not fear suffering.

I only fear never achieving the calling in my soul.

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One Comment

  1. Hey James, you missed a link here:

    “But I lost that mentality somewhere along the way, because as things got tough I wanted reassurance of my path. I wanted approval [link].”


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