Little baby steps.
They frustrate you. Lost opportunity leaves you with an empty hunger. It’s not enough to eat or even have sex. The failure eats at you, a mounting rage that you can either quell or feed.
The gnawing emptiness is the void in your heart. It’s what those Christians tell you only God can fill. It’s the ache that all those bliss ninnies say cannot come from material desires, or the “world.”
Of course they’re not wrong, but they’re not right.
The frustration is from your own potential, your own LACK of freedom.
Every little thing you do wrong builds up into a rising desperation.
How many days did you waste?
How many hours did you sleep longer, how many hours did you work at your job just to pay rent so that you can continue to go nowhere?
Did you work all day only to blow it with the one girl you could have talked to?
You forgot to ask her for her number, and it haunts you all night.
You don’t know what to do about it. You just want to BREAK OUT.
You want to DO SOMETHING but you don’t know what to do!
You are restless at night, wishing there was a way to break out of the madness, wishing that you could do something right this very moment to correct yourself and move mountains and change the course of your life.
You might be desperate and lonely. Your girlfriend could walk out of your life tomorrow and it would throw you into chaos because you are trapped in a cage.
You’re holding back and you know it.
But you don’t know how to overcome all the rationalizations and excuses in your head.
You’re worried about damaging relationships, or your reputation with those around you.
Your insufferable excuses lead you to avoid practice, and when opportunity hits you are unable to take full advantage of it.
You know that something needs to GIVE, but WHAT?
When will you break free?
When will you finally stop giving a fuck about the world around you?
When will you finally LET YOURSELF fulfill your potential?
When will you EMBRACE FAILURE and learn to LOVE MISTAKES?
Will it “happen” tomorrow?
Or years from now?
Can you imagine what it would be like to go another day with the gag on your mouth, building all this discipline and seemingly changing, but in all actuality just wasting away and not really changing at all?
WHEN’S IT GOING TO GIVE.
WHEN ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO BREAK FREE OF THE LIMITATIONS?
When are you finally going to break rules, get yourself in trouble, and more importantly go after what you really need to pursue, whether heaven or hell is due and whether you ultimately fail miserably or not?
Will it be today? Tomorrow?
A week from now? A month from now?
It’s the hardest and easiest thing in the world to let go.
It will madden you and frighten you but it will also haunt your spirit every day, every night, calling to you and pressing down on you like a boulder on your shoulder until you finally wake up from your mortal comfort and embrace the insanity, no matter how scared you are.
Because this is your Higher Calling, it is your Drive, it is your ambition and your spirit and nothing else can possibly matter.
It is really YOU and it will finally give you an edge over all those fools, over all those failures, over all the people who ever told you “NO.”
But most importantly, it will finally give you freedom from yourself.
It’s the prison in your mind. The barrier you call home.
It is Hell and you want to get out of it.